What's A Good Nickname For Me

Liam's Answer

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me by my real name, I'd have a lot more money in the bank than if I got a dollar for every time someone called me by my preferred nickname, which is "Spider".

As it is, I've got $2 in the account, because, apparently I look nothing like a spider, remind no one of a spider, and only got called Spider when I asked my mum if I could change my name legally, and she said "Spider, what the hell do you want to be called Spider for?"

Still, $2 is $2, and Spider I think sounds much cooler than Liam.

But your problem has got me thinking. If you're sick of getting called by your own name, then you actually face two problems. The first is devising a new nickname, and the second one is convincing your friends and family that "Orangutan Lips" is in fact a perfectly acceptable way of addressing you.

In my observations, parents will never call you by a nickname you like. My mother refuses to call me "Spider", and still insists on "Snookums". My dad just takes a random guess at my name, and usually refers to me as "Rover".

Old friends will stick to old nicknames. My ex-school buddies often call me "Stinky Butt" after an embarrassing incident in first grade, despite the fact that it wasn't actually even my bottom involved.

It's the new friends that you can convince. It's easy. Next time your introduced to someone, and they repeat your name, say "Just call me 'The Edge', which is my nickname. I got it because my last name is Edgecombe, and I like U2". Refuse to answer them whenever they don't call you "The Edge", and soon your new nickname will become in common usage.

I don't actually suggest you legally change your name to 'The Edge' unless you want to be on the receiving end of litigation for trademark infringements in several major jurisdictions.

Chris's Answer

Your name is Courtney Edgecombe, so I'd choose something like:

• "Tennis" Court Knee
• Court Knee "Cap"
• Henrietta - just to keep people on their toes
• Gargle Lips - just to keep boys intrigued
• Court "Dislocated" Knee
• Courtney "Elbows" Edgecombe
• Courtney "I'm Not Bono, OK" Edgecombe

Of course, another technique entirely would be to change your name legally to "Spider Edgecombe" but not tell anyone. Then adopt the nickname "Courtney" and hey presto! No one will be using your real name anymore, but they won't have to go through the inconvenience of learning an new one for you.