What To Do With Unwanted Christmas Gifts

When Chris got another framed Enrique Iglasias poster from his slightly out-of-touch grandmother, he hung it on his front door as a deterrent to criminals who might have thought he had a decent CD collection to steal.

Your suggestions

• Call your preacher on December 27th, and ask him if he would like some free gifts for the church before you head on down to the salvation army with your Grandma and your crippled neighbor! Not only will you look good, you get rid of the "Crapola" at the same time!
  scott quick [1 Dec 2003]
• Plan ahead. Buy "reverse gifts". Reverse gifts are gifts that you need and can borrow back from your friends and relatives. You may get given shit, you'll be using the best stuff there is.
  scott quick [1 Dec 2003]
• Be careful if you re-wrap a crappy gift and give it to someone else. No one knows if you repackage a fruit cake from last year, everyone knows if you repackage the puppy.
  Daniel "Wombat Bagel" [1 Dec 2003]
• A simple solution...Burgle yourself! (Trash the crap and tell everyone you were robbed. Avoid all queries as to why the burlar chose 10 pairs of y-fronts and cheap Reject Shop chocolates over your DVD player and PC)
  Andrew Brisbane [2 Dec 2003]
• One Saturday morning in the weeks that follow load everything into the car and go around to a few garage sales and sneak things IN. Naturally you can also use this as an opportunity to sneak better stuff out.
  Andrew Brisbane [2 Dec 2003]
• Wait for the next time a little kid comes knocking on the door looking for sponsorship in a walkathon or readathon or whatever-athon they are having. Rather than sponsor with money, dig deeper (into the crap pile), hand over the Celine Dion CD and brand new $1.99 digital watch with the flat battery.
  Andrew Brisbane [2 Dec 2003]
• When it comes to clothes, always (and I mean always) be unsure if the "fit" is right. Insist that you take the item back to "exchange" yourself then take the cash and have a good night on the town.
  Andrew Brisbane [2 Dec 2003]
• Every year I get an unwanted starsign book for the coming year. After 26 yrs of this it gets a little tiring, so last year I lived every day according to what the stars-writer had predicted for me. After the most disjointed and irrelevant year of my life, having lost all my money, friends and girlfriend, not to mention the respect of my colleagues, I've finally proven once and for all that these books are crap..........that showed my mum.
  Louee [2 Dec 2003]
• Simple! Kidnap Ruldolph and leave a ransom note for an exchange between Santa's only light source, and a Flat Screen Plasma T.V.
  scott quick [2 Dec 2003]
• Take the shirt your wife gave you and wear it only on weekends at home, only way to stop it from happening again. Spill curry on it immediately at breakfast.
  Smeghead McWretch [2 Dec 2003]
• Calendars give vandals at work somewhere besides the walls to make their inane comments. All the better if you get a Strawberry Shortcake version.
  ChatRat [3 Dec 2003]
• Those cheap crockery settings go down a real treat when the Greek neighbours arc up the Zorba soundtrack after too many Ouzo and Cokes.
  ChatRat [3 Dec 2003]
• Those round tins of butter cookies get cheaper every year. You know what they are before you even unwrap them. Don't bother. Just put 'em in the cupboard and give them back to the cheapskate next year.
  ChatRat [3 Dec 2003]
• By the time they've given you toaster number 28, you have enough to dismantle and make your own tanning lounge. Threaten the kids with toasting if they won't eat their veggies.
  ChatRat [3 Dec 2003]
• Novelty toilet roll holders actually make good door knockers. If they're saucy, they even dissuade the Jehovah's Witnesses coming round on the 27th to enlighten you about Christmas.
  ChatRat [3 Dec 2003]
• Those awful bottles of Company Label wine they give you at work are quite decent after 40 years. Soak the labels off and replace them with a classy label. Then again, why wait?
  ChatRat [3 Dec 2003]
• Goodness me! Gourmet cigarettes! I wonder how this tobacco will go with my weed.
  ChatRat [3 Dec 2003]
• Attack the gift with a sledgehammer then sell it as "Modern Art"
  Kegs Richardson [4 Dec 2003]
• While Santa is in your house, replace the reindeer with ones that can't fly! When he tries to take off from the roof, he'll crash the sleigh, thus giving you time to steal some "back-up" gifts!
  scott quick [10 Dec 2003]
• If an unwanted gift (or its packing) is fairly stiff, and durable; it MAY be usable for scooping out the wee-stuff that's at the bottom of the cats' litter tray at the end of the day! Man - sometimes that wee-stuff is just like hard clay!
  John Klumpp [11 Dec 2003]
• Bury the unwanted christmas presents in a quiet, friendly, rural area of Victoria then simply sit back and let the State Government melt them down to nothing with a toxic waste dump.
  Andrew Brisbane [17 Dec 2003]
• To get in with the cool nazi kids in the area, hold a book burning with all those spare Harry Potter, Animorphs and Narnia Chronicles paperbacks
  Switch Laffalot [19 Dec 2003]
• Did your 5 year-old son made you a horrible painting of you and your wife, the dog, the house, a tree, and Santa Claus, where it says: "I love you, Daddy! Merry Xmas!"?
  In his presence, take it and throw it in the hearth and tell him with your sweetest voice: "Thanks son, it was really helpful to keep the fire on! But the next time, buy me that toolbox that I showed you on TV."
  This will teach him.
  Platon Brasil [19 Dec 2003]
• Sharpen the gift to a sharp point and hijack a plane
  Kegs Richardson [23 Dec 2003]
• When you get something bad, like a shirt you will never wear or a movie that is for small children (dam me for liking disney when i was five, it has been nearly 20 years and it still haunts me) always remember that everything is potentially flammable (and if you make it look like an accident, insurance will buy you a new house!).
  lynzie [24 Dec 2003]
• Make papier mache pigs with those self help books that you get every year,especially the ones by Dr Phill. Just blow up a ballon, and paste the pages on with glue, dry,and paint it. This is one that the kids would love to help with.
  toni blackwell [27 Dec 2003]
• How many undies does a girl need? Use them as ear muffs... and you may even get lucky.
  toni blackwell [27 Dec 2003]
• throw them at your ex- boyfriend
  hollyjolly [13 Feb 2004]
• start a bon fire on your ex's lawn
  holly jolly [17 Feb 2004]
• On December 26th and 30th of every year there is a yard sale in front of my house. One for Christmas, one for my birthday.
  Amanda Aguiar [5 Jun 2004]
• Let your male tomcat wee on your unwanted knitted multicoloured sweater from auntie emm, wrap it up neatly in silver foil, and post it to someone who has been REALLY mean to you.
  patty sweeney [28 Dec 2004]
• Sell everything you get on Ebay. Then use the money (if any) to buy the stingey bastard their presents next year!
  jake h [29 Dec 2004]
• Piss on them give them back and say "You shouldnt have"
  Jamie Fleming [23 Jan 2005]
• i would like to own the pic of Enrique if you really don't want it I would be glad to take it off your hands.
  Robin daoyugioh [25 Feb 2005]
• Eat them no matter what they are
  ED M [24 Jun 2005]
• Paint them and decorate them a bit more. Give 'em back to the mean bastard that gave you them and smile! Say ,"I liked 'em soooo much I decided that you should get a lovely pair too." You get a closer friend whilst giving away something you don't want!
  Louise Roberts [15 Jul 2005]
• Soak them in the grease from the christmas ham or turkey, and throw them out to the dogs.
  B W [15 Jul 2005]
• Once I was giving a top that looked like an old dog rag, so I thought "Whatever," and stuffed it under my dog's basket. Now he has a comfier bed!
  Kerry Katona [16 Jul 2005]
• Has anyone thought of killing all their friends and relatives that way they can't give you lousy gifts
  david arnold [29 Jul 2005]
• Donate them to the poor. Even if they don't have electricity, they've got that microwave oven they've always wanted, and the children can't get burnt.
  Meddle Amereddles [14 Nov 2005]
• Put them in a blender, add beer, enjoy
  david arnold [1 Dec 2005]
• I made a lovely balaclava out of a pair of unwanted christmas socks....My ferret has never been happier.
  Rich Worton [9 Dec 2005]
• Tie all those unwanted socks into a noose and hang the bastard that gave them to you
  bob mcgee [12 Jun 2007]

What do you do with your unwanted Christmas gifts?

Do you have a funny idea for how to handle an unwanted gift this Christmas? Let us know. We'll add the funniest suggestions to GORSKYS.COMedy