Tom Hanks could turn a watery movie with no dialogue into box-office wine.
Many people believe Tom Hanks is simply an actor. But, there’s more to him than a man simply parroting the lines of the writer, a mere puppet of the director.
But, think of the wisdom he handed down in Forrest Gump. Consider the dignity he had in Philadelphia. Tom Hanks is quite clearly the greatest teacher in the history of the world since Jesus Christ.
In fact, Tom Hanks is Jesus, and we’ve got proof.
It’s obvious really. He died in Philadelphia, but he’s back again, alive and well, bearded and leading his disciple (OK, so it’s a volleyball, but hey) back to the promised land in Cast Away.
Here are more clues about why Tom Hanks is Jesus.
- In Forrest Gump, Tom Hanks motto was “Stupid is as stupid does”. Jesus was born on Christmas Day, which everyone agrees is really stupid, because it cuts down the number of presents you get.
- In Big, Tom Hanks was boy in the body of a man. In The Bible, Jesus was God in the body of a man.
- In Cast Away, Tom Hanks grows a beard. Jesus had a beard.
- In Apollo 13, Tom Hanks went into outer space for just over three days, then came back to earth. No one knows where Jesus went between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, but it could have been the outer space.
- Tom starred in The Man With One Red Shoe. Jesus wore sandals, and although their colour isn’t mentioned, they were probably red.
- Jesus invented the miracle of the loaves and fishes. Tom starred with a half-woman/half-fish in Splash.
- Tom Hanks has appeared in three movies with Meg Ryan. Jesus is part of the holy trinity – Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
- Tom’s first TV appearance was on the Love Boat. Jesus said “Love thy neighbour”.
- Tom wrote the classic That Thing You Do. Jesus wrote the classic The Lord’s Prayer.
- Tom Hanks was in Bachelor Party. Jesus was a bachelor.
- In A League Of Their Own, Tom played a baseball coach, and gave the team tips on how to play better. In The Bible, Jesus plays the messiah, and give his followers tips on how to live better.
- Tom appeared in the documentary I Am Your Child. Jesus said he was the Son of God.
- Tom was Woody in Toy Story 2, the sequel to Toy Story. Jesus was in the New Testament, the sequel to the Old Testament.
In Forrest Gump, Tom Hanks met "The King of Rock and Roll" Elvis. Jesus was called "The King of the Jews" in the Bible.
Jesus did millions of great things in one lifetime. Tom Hanks can be a millions different people in one lifetime.
My neighbor doesn’t believe in Jesus. He doesn’t believe in Tom Hanks, either.
Tom Hanks starred in Saving Private Ryan, where he sacrificed himself for a man.
Jesus got tacked to a cross to save us all.
People ask Tom Hanks for his autograph. People would probably ask Jesus for his autograph too.
Tom Hanks saved Private Ryan. Jesus died saving us from Hell. The odds are overwhelming that a man named Ryan who was indeed an Army Private was spared damnation because of Jesus.
“May you live as long as you want and not want as long as you live.”
-Tom Hanks
Lots of quotes about everlasting life, where all needs and wants are fulfilled. If not here on earth, well then, after you die.
-Jesus Christ
Tom Hanks has been called “The nicest man in Hollywood.” Jesus was a nice man.
Tom Hanks most likely eats sausage. Jesus said “This is my body, eat it.” If you take Jesus’ name and say it backwards it sounds like ’sausage’.
Jesus was perfect. As he has proved so many times, Tom Hanks is “perfect” in every role he takes on.
Jesus, as God, created everything. Therefore Tom Hanks claim to have created fire in Cast Away would also be claiming to be Jesus.
Tom Hanks abbreviated is THanks. Jesus also gave thanks.
When Tom played that huge piano with his feet in the movie Big, it was ‘heavenly’
If you read the Bible from beginning to end, you will see a lot about Jesus. If you flip the pages backwards real fast and look at the edges, you will see a short animation of Tom Hanks and Moses skipping across the parted Red Sea.
In “Philadelphia” Tom Hanks was gay. Jesus hung out with 12 rather effeminate looking guys (think Da Vinci’s “Last Supper”) Also, in the movie, Hanks had AIDS. Jesus aids people.
Jesus walked on water. In Forrest Gump,Forrest took one step on water to meet Lt. Dan.
Tom Hanks is Jesus because BigJ said he would return in human form to overtake the world in a series of well timed musical comedies, That Thing You Do being the first. Actually, perhaps that wasn’t Jesus.
Tom Hanks’ mother is really attractive… as is the Virgin Mary.
“Jesus” begins with J. Tom Hanks has played the following movie characters with names that begin with J: Josh Baskin, Joe Banks, Jimmy Dugan, John Miller, Joe Fox, Jim Lovell.
Tom’s wife’s name is Rita. Which rhymes with pita. Which is a Greek bread that people probably ate around Jesus’ time.
Tom Hanks was nearly 30 years old when he became famous. Jesus was also nearly 30 years old when he became famous.
Jesus spoke of his beliefs and died at a young age. As Tom Hanks, he stayed quiet to enjoy a longer life.
Tom Hanks prays to his God. Jesus also prayed to his God.
Jesus was right handed and about 6 ft tall. Tom Hanks is right handed and about 6 ft tall.
The movie “That Thing You Do” records the meteoric rise and fall of a one-hit-wonder band, which Tom Hanks guides and supports along the way. The Bible says something about “the last shall be first and the first shall be last,” which obviously means the band, and since Tom Hanks was the man behind it all he has to be Jesus.
Jesus was never married (or so they say). Tom Hanks got married twice to make up for lost time.
They both have brown hair!
tom hanks loves to be center of attention in all of his movies. Jesus was center of attention around his time and probably didnt mind it.
Christ and Hanks have both 5 letters.
You pronounce the name ‘Hanks’ as the name ‘Henks’. A friend of mine is called ‘Henk’. He has a dog, named Simot. If turn ‘Dog Simot’ you’ll get:
TOM IS GOD
Last week Simot became father of a little puppy-girl, called Susey.
In the old language you write Susey as:
S U S E J
Turn that around. You’ll get JESUS!
So Tom is defenitely Jesus.