Catwoman - every boy's favorite villain.
The world is sadly short of proper superheroes these days.
Batman has gone all weird and teamed up with Catwoman (although the way she’s drawn nowadays, that’s fair enough, frankly).
The world has realised that being bitten by a radio active spider would have given Spiderman cancer, not superpowers.
Superman became a quadriplegic in a horse riding accident.
The Gorskys have turned their mind to this dilemma, and come up with some suggestions for the next wave of comic books.
- Captain Nuclear – uses his amazing fission powers to catch villains by causing a nuclear meltdown in their underpants.
- Nuclear Lass – uses her amazing good looks to catch villains by causing a nuclear meltdown in their underpants.
- The Amazing Expando – that’s not a gun in his pocket.
- The Dynamic Dyslexic – misreading crime by fights.
- Enviroman – uses his hippy powers to fight crime by tying himself to trees until the villains go away.
- Bo, The World’s Tallest Dwarf – Uses his uncanny height to defeat criminals. His battle cry is “I’m not a dwarf, OK. I’m just short!”
- Peter Reith Man – Uses his weird lips to undermine union power at every turn – the world’s evilest hero.
- Mr Millennium – the world’s most overrated superhero.
- The Amazing Flasher – uses his disgusting powers of self-revelation to repulse villains into submission.
- Captain Beans-On-Toast – lights his farts in the name of Justice!
- Mr Muscle – Loves the jobs you hate.
- Beer Gut Man – His aluminium crushing powers scare even the staunchest foe!
- Water Boy – wets himself at the first sign of danger. Young ward of Rubbersheet Man, the world’s kinkiest hero.
- Bureaucracy Man – Will happily save you from a life threatening situation once you’ve filled in the right forms in triplicate. If you’d like this doyen of protocol to save you, call 1-800-bureaucracy and follow the prompts.
Papercut Dude His weapons include sheets of A4 paper and a bottle of lemon juice! Ouch, watch out villains!
Ted The Useless Guy Ted The Useless Guy’s only real powers include stealing pencils from your workplace and leaving the shavings on the ground for villains to get splinters on. He can also cut out publications and leave them on evil crime lords’ chairs.
Inverto Man At the first sign of trouble he turns completely inside out. Can only do it the once though!
Glassper With the abillty to see through glass
Broken Boy Broken Boy’s only ability seems to be that he can fall apart at any time. The only superhero to have his ass kicked after it has been removed from his body.
Chafeman Can’t go anywhere without walking slowly, legs bowed, and making several types of grimaces.
Samuel L Jacksonman Is capable of defeating all enemies simply by being a bad mother fucker.
Monty Python Man He will slap you with a fish or a dead parrot! If you get him really mad he will drop a 10 tons waight on you.
The Backstreet Teenyboppers! The most feared superheroines and one strange superhero in the galaxy. They fight a never ending battle against NSYNC Fan! Who will win? (Do I care?)
Really-needs-a-dictionary man Defeats his enemies by driving them insane with the same large word (the meaning of which is unknown to him) used repeatedly in coversation.
The Solicitor A relentless and undeterred opponent – EVEN against the mightiest of resistance. The Solicitor, cunning and ruthless – an anti-hero if there ever was one, emerges victorious by wearing down his adversaries with a constant barrage of ads. The villain, unable to rest from the onslaught, momentarily lowers his or her defense in exhaustion – only to be hit with the patented, "Solicitation Devestation" move!!!! In this deadly all out assault, the villain is hit by pop up ads, spam, phone calls, and informercials – ALL AT ONCE!!! To date, only a powerful Ahmish mafia ring and a few wayward Pygmies have been able to hold him at bay. Stay tuned………
Annoying Flying Insect Man Lands on his enemies’ faces and makes them hit themselves while getting off scott-free!!
Is your butt expanding? Yes? You don’t know? I can see it is!!! But never fear coz’ Pin Man will save you with his razor sharp needles! When your butt is in need of poping Pin Man will do the job! Vive Le Pinman!
The Great Geek Sidekick to Ultimate Loser, The Great Geek is the annoying classmate who always does the homework, and gets good grades. He bores his opponents to submission by talking about any school-related crap.
The Supremist God help any villian that is a “faggot”, “nigger” or a “kike”. Wears army fatigues and owns a Rottweiler named Satan.
Q-tip Man Fools enemies into believing he is a q-tip, then pulls their brains out through their ears while being used to remove earwax.
The Cunillingus Crusader A cunning hero who uses his secret weapon, “The Clitty Tickler”, to bring female villains to their knees.
Captain Close Talker and sidekick Sophie Soft Talker Evil villians are lured near a cliff by the sexy Sophie Soft Talker. They come closer just to try to hear what she is saying and to get a good look at her cleavage. Once she has lured them near a cliff, Captain Close Talker comes in and makes them so uncomfotable by talking within an inch of their face that they eventually back up too far and fall off the cliff.
The Fantastic Spastic Elastic Gymnastic A retard with cerebral palsey, Tourrettes syndrome, ADHD and schizophrenia,he has absolutely no formal gymnastic training but no one will mess with any five of these crazy mother fuckers.
The Lazy boy of wonders
Getting off the couch is to hard for him.Find another superhero.
Rodent dude Has the ability to telekinetically control those rodents who steal your clothes – such as the sock gerbil or the trouser hamster. By commanding the furry ones to “borrow” his arch-nemesis’s clothes, he can render his enemies naked, powerless, and devoid of underwear (and, ergo, the willingness to take over the world).
Captain Yoghurt He has the unique ability to manipulate and control all flavours of yoghurt to do his bidding. (niche superhero)
Captain Last Minute Just when it seems like the city is doomed. Just when you think that bomb will go off and turn the county into a vacant parking lot. Just when that villain is about to drop you into a vat of burning lava, Captain Last Minute will show up to save your sorry ass. Right after you pee your pants of course.
Super Meter-Maid-Man This superhero was made for the people! His focus is to follow his nemisis the “meter maid” around and put money in a timed up meter before the meter maid can write you a ticket.
Gold-Bond Man Possible enemy or sidekick to Chafeman, he spreads the comfort and joy of menthylated freshness to the masses&em;one bottle at a time.
Captin Can’t Speel He was once an English teacher who went crazy in a horrible chalk board accident, and now likes to kill writers who can not spell.
Dirty Blanket Boy Carries around a blanket that he has never washed. His superpower is generally smell and his blanket function similar to Spawn’s cape but it stinks.
Gasper the friendly ghost
Takes over from the Marlboro Man.
Austin Powers Man Shags enemies to death
Barney Man He hugs people to death.