Star Trek: To Boldy Go Where No One Has Gone Before

November 1st, 1998

Many think Star Trek is a nice little sci-fi series about people flying around in the 34th Century, living life by a high code of ethics, and going on adventures.

It isn’t. It’s a hot bed of sin.

The whole of Star Trek is full of beastiality.

Having sex with something that isn’t human. That’s beastiality.

You have sex with a Vulcan, no matter how good looking – that’s beastiality.

From Captain James T. Kirk to Commander William Riker in the Next Generation. From Dr Bashir stuck on Deep Throat Nine to Lieutenant Tom Paris on his own sexual Voyager.

Every Star Trek series has featured at least one human being who commits crimes against God and decency by falling in love on every planet they visit, and trying to breed with the locals.

It’s like “Hello. You look a little like the female of your species. Let’s pork!”

That phrase “To boldy go where no one has gone before”. It’s about getting your end in first, I reckon.

There’s no regard to the simple things we take for granted, like compatible genitals. Just for once, I want to see a more realistic Star Trek sex scene.

kirk and tribbles Star Trek: To Boldy Go Where No One Has Gone Before

With all that inter-species sex, it’s no wonder there were so many tribbles.

Scene: Kirk is in the underground lair of a weird alien on the planet Vegetana.

Kirk: Is this good for you?

Weird Alien: Well, no actually. That's my armpit. You want the spot a little higher.

Kirk: You mean here? This furry thing?

Weird Alien (almost human except for rubber nose): Oh yes!

Kirk: Ow! Jesus H Christ! That's a fucking cactus plant. Oh fuck!

Weird Alien (with rubber nose and, as it turns out, a cactus for a clitoris): Oh yes, baby. Just there!

Kirk: Ow! Ow! Ow!

Weird Alien: Don't stop. take me all the way, big boy!

Kirk: How can I stop?! You've fucking speared my dick, you bitch! I'm stuck here.

Weird Alien: Yes! Yes! Yes!

CUT TO A COMMERCIAL.

Liam Cody

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Star Trek: To Boldy Go Where No One Has Gone Before

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