Rate of turning wine into water = 2 litres per hour.
Every diary has one. A page of numbers and how many metres there are in a mile, pounds in a kilogram, and how to convert Celsius into Fahrenheit.
Pointless.
You never need to know that crap. We need conversions that help us in our every day lives. Conversions that will help us get by in the real world and make the right decisions.
Luckily, GORSKYS.COMedy has created them.
| Real World Measurement | Conversion |
| Flavour in a Big Mac to flavour in regular hamburger | 0.0001 : 1 |
| Tim Tams available to Tim Tams required at any given party | 0.6 : 1 |
| Stated penis length real length | 2.6 : 1 |
| Male orgasms to female orgasms on a dirty weekend | 10 : 1 |
| Male orgasms to female orgasms once he’s found her clitoris | 10 : 400 |
| Pleases to thankyous in average kindergarten | 2 : 3 |
| Pleases to thankyous in average office | 0 : 0 |
| Centimetres of gut per can of beer | 1.04 : 6 |
| Interesting magazines to out of date celebrity gossip rags in dentists office | 1 : 18 |
| Invoices sent to doctor for time spent in waiting room to invoices planned | 1 : 3000 |
| Politicians promises made to promises kept | 4000 : 1 |
| Birthdays remembered to birthdays forgotten | 1.7 : 1 |
| Weeks annual leave accrued to weeks desired | 1 : 15 |
| Wankers to dickheads in any given gathering of sales people | 1 : 1 |
| Beers stolen to beers drunk by their rightful owner at a student party | 23 : 1 |
| Threesomes had to threesome fantasies | 1 : 16 million |
| Nice guys finishing last to finishing first | 10,000 : 1 |
| Sex articles to useful advice in Cosmopolitan magazine | 40 : 1 |
How drunk you are to how drunk you think you are 2.3:1
Number of times you can guess to what chicken mcnuggets are made of to number of times you are right 1:99,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999
Number of pushups made to number of pushups you said you made in a Physical Education test – 40 : 5
Number of times you submit ideas to the Gorskys to number of times they actually post it – 80:1
IQ needed to succeed in Harvard to IQ needed to become a president – 160:80
Number of times you submit ideas to the Gorskys to number of times they actually post it once they see you’re funny- 3:1
Number of times a person studies to number of time a person wastes by reading the gorskys articles 50:1
Number of my own farts I’ve enjoyed smelling to the number of anyboby else’s farts I’ve enjoyed smelling all:none (16,783:0)
Number of laughs on this site compared to the number of ‘Backstreet Boys” songs you can listen to without jamming a butter-knife in your ears – 9,989:0
Times you are correct, compared to times the math teacher is correct 3 : 5X-7(8,410<2X)+6.4=(X-Y)
Number of times you think about sex to times you actually have sex 480 :1