Other Wars We'd Like To Start

"War on Haemorrhoids" - Liam declares a war on uncomfortable chairs.

Your suggestions

• War on Sanity - World coalition declares war on everyone who's not using Microsoft Windows
  Santa [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Pork - orld coalition of sheep producing countries attacks pork producing countries with mint jelly.
  Robespierre Mullet [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Tofu - World coalition uses soy bombs against countries that eat tofu.
  Robespierre Mullet [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Banal Conversation - World coalition slaps people who things like, "Yup, it sure is a Monday," or "It ain't the heat, it's the humidity."
  Robespierre Mullet [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Microsoft - h wait the Justice Department already tried that.
  Dave Cody [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Monkeys - World coalition declares war on all simians, the theory being that one day they might evolve and develop bombs and declare war on humans.
  Jake Wilson [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Why - World coalition threatens to bomb people who think it is funny to ask why continually
  Chog the Frog [Why would they do that? - Liam] [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Unnecessary Products - A world coalition against products that we don't really need. Like M&M-minis, Pepsi One, AOL, and the NASA Mars Probe Program.
  D Seebs [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Tacky People - The fashion police could not control this epidemic. The world must come together and fight the wearing of socks with sandals.
  Angela Flanagan [6 Jan 2003]
• War on War - the ultimate battle against irony.
  Fun E. Erthanyourone [6 Jan 2003]
• War On That One Fat Sweaty Guy At Concerts - world coalition declares that they will seek out the 'fat sweaty guys' (there's one at every concert) and place them into their own city, where they will bomb them unless they form an elete army of fat sweaty mosh pits, which is so unstoppable that eventually we will ALL SMELL!
  Rufus Albino [6 Jan 2003]
• War On Walls - nybody who uses walls to hold the roof of their house up, instead of their hands, is bombed.
  Jake Wilson [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Bagpipes - World coalition theatens to blow up bagpipes.
  Bradley Auty [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Piracy - World coalition's attempts to stop rampant piracy/idea stealing in Microsoft products.
  Stephen H [6 Jan 2003]
• War on people with ADD - eclare war on all people suffering from ADD, with any luck they wont be able to concentrate long enough to fight back.
  R.S.Hague [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Crappy Music - World coalition decides to bomb Celine Dion and Bryan Adams off the face of the Earth, then send the Backstreet Boys and N'SYNC to Uranus (because they like it so much) then blow it up.
  Steven Rothenburger [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Propaganda - war on sons who go to war to impress their former president fathers, and an end to selective journalism on both sides of the coin.
  Bridget Flood [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Annoying Email Chain Letters and Their Senders - Coalition against irritating "friends" who send emails that end with, "if you don't foward this to ten other people, your parents will die".
  Brigitte Jellison [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Raw I - War against dyslexics
  Christopher Mason [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Raw II - A war against The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin and the combined forces of the WWF.
  Christopher Mason [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Morning People - War on those people who insist on being cheery early in the morning, led by normal people who are grumpy until a decent hour.
  Jane Mac [6 Jan 2003]
• War on websites that promote war on anything - Any website that promotes war on anything, serious or not, real or imagined, whatever, will be bombed with "Jesus Loves You" virus hoax email.
  Steve Davis [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Educational Toys - we have a lifetime to learn so why start them young?
  Billy Bob [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Reminiscing - at least we can have Xmas without Granny boring us to sleep with pointless stories which go no where - just what you need after stuffing 3 pounds of Turkey down your gullet.
  Chuck Manson [6 Jan 2003]
• War on the Wild Side - apid bombing raids until Lou Reed stops releasing solo albums.
  brian vo [6 Jan 2003]
• War against blankets: people around the world joining forces to remove blankets and doonas from repeat dutch-oven offenders who think that their farts smell like roses.
  sharyn atkinson [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Ice - Can be either a battle against your un-defrosted freezer or a Disney retelling of Vietnam.
  Andrew Hunting [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Love Toys - A real challenge, since they are hard to blow up!
  Kevin Asparagus Stevenson [6 Jan 2003]
• Wr n vwls - Mk th lphbt shrtr s dmb kds lrn stff s qck s nrml kds.
  C.W.Hague [6 Jan 2003]
• War on the Letter 'i' - ny product or service that starts with the letter 'i' is replaced with a 'z' or something.
  Tom Matthew [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Balloons - You know the ones that clowns use, that make loud sweeking noises as they twist and turn it into a little bunny rabbit. Blow them all up I say!!! Hey wait a sec?
  Mad Gorgon [6 Jan 2003]
• War On Freebie Snatchers - People who when shopping find a product with no price on it, make the stupid remark, "Well, that must mean it's for free. Ha ha ha!". All retail staff should be given Star Trek type phasers (set to kill), and told to show no mercy. What do you mean, I'm bitter and twisted after 15 years in retail?
  Mad Gorgon [6 Jan 2003]
• War of Koalas - They're eating all our eucalyptus trees.
  David Cannester [6 Jan 2003]
• War against jehova witnesses knocking on your door with kids so u dont have to be polite about telling them to f*%$ off!
  Fiona [6 Jan 2003]
• War on France - Why not?
  Dave [6 Jan 2003]
• War on homosexual men - Is it right sneak up behind them?
  Matt Pritchard [6 Jan 2003]
• War on self - die and let live.
  George [6 Jan 2003]
• War on WWII - A worldwide effort to stop the insane and nauseating spate of WWII films, books, and documentaries on this over exposed event. Tom Brokaw and Tom Hanks will have to be captured and forced to stand trial in order to declare victory.
  GEORGE R [6 Jan 2003]
• War on drugs - Let's go to battle toasted!
  Willem [6 Jan 2003]
• War Against Apple Macs - There are enough paperweights in the world... who needs electronic ones?
  Lord Nezroth [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Helium - (squeaky voices) You're going to die you chipmunk asshole.
  Shanon Goodbody [6 Jan 2003]
• War against rappers who write songs about other rappers. You could kill them and make a video about it.
  rob f [6 Jan 2003]
• War on Ambiguity - Kill some people or things somewhere.
  Melissa [6 Jan 2003]
• War on KFC - It's a conspiracy damnit. They are trying to brainwash us with their chicken.
  AL [6 Jan 2003]
• war on laziness
  meesa meesa [23 Feb 2003]
• War on Euthanasiasts - Kill them before they expect it. Bonus - element of surprise facial expressions.
  Pegasus All man part horse [7 Mar 2003]
• War On Incompetent Office Managers - World coalition decides to bomb all those dumbass managers who measure their worth by the amount of credit they can steal from the work their subordinates actually do.
  Haymanth [1 Apr 2003]
• War on people who can't finish s...
  CozB [27 Apr 2003]
• War On Politically Correct Anti-War Protesting - Because they are just as righteously brain dead as "patriotic" pro-war crusaders. Watching Michael Moore in itself doesn't give you an informed opinion.
  Louis Friend [30 Apr 2003]
• War on People With More Appliances Than Me - I actually saw a T.V. screen in the middle of a steering wheel! KILL these people now!
  scott quick [27 Jul 2003]
• War on Dead People - Who'd miss them?
  Arctureas Mengsk [20 Oct 2003]
• War on effort..............
  Rhythmandbluesix [21 Nov 2003]
• War on World Coalitions - A World Coalition threatening to nuke all World Coalitions that are made to declare war on something like World Coalitions
  Agent guy [3 Jan 2004]
• War on Procrastination-we can start next Monday!
  Kelly Miles [7 Apr 2004]
• War on the War Against Drugs - It needs no explanation.
  D Fleist [12 May 2004]
• War on fairy ravers - Swift action must be taken against these dummy sucking, legwarmer wearing, furry backpacked 15yr olds who take up valuable dance space at raves while absent mindedly twirling glow sticks and shouting "Catrina! We're so hard cooooore!" SHOW NO MERCY!!!!!!!!!!!
  Linda missy [27 May 2004]
• War on KFC - The only damn thing on this planet that DON'T taste like chikin'
  mantlebrott bits [16 May 2005]
• War on Ice - The Disney version of all the wars that have ever happened.
  Anonymous Dude [23 Jun 2005]
• War on The Right Wing - World Coalition declares war on birds which have a right wing, lead by the Labour party.
  Anonymous Dude [23 Jun 2005]
• War on The Left Wing - World Coalition declares war on birds which have a left wing, lead by the Tory party.
  Anonymous Dude [23 Jun 2005]
• War on Tax - Cos nobody wants to pay it!
  Anonymous Dude [23 Jun 2005]
• War on Consonants - ie e a o oe u ee eaie o ea e aae o ee i o 5 ee. (like the war on vowels but even easier to learn the alphabet cos there is only five letters)
  Anonymous Dude [23 Jun 2005]
• War on Illiteracy - World Coalition declares war on George W Bush.
  Anonymous Dude [23 Jun 2005]
• War on Opinionated People - In my opinion the world needs fewer people trying to force their opinions on everyone else and I think this is a really good idea... Oh shit!!
  Anonymous Dude [23 Jun 2005]
• War on Impartiality - World Coalition declares war on anyone who does not have an opinion!
  Anonymous Dude [23 Jun 2005]
• War on Ringtones - World Coalition declares war on anyone who's ever downloaded that awful "Crazy Frog" ringtone.
  Anonymous Dude [23 Jun 2005]
• War on People Who Can't Say More Than 3 Words In A Continuous Sentence - World coalition declares war on Tony Blair.
  Anonymous Dude [1 Aug 2005]
• War on Poland Isn't about time the rest of the world had their turn?
  QWAN Poonlord [2 Aug 2005]

Any suggestions?

Would you like to declare war on something? Let us know. We'll add the funniest suggestions to GORSKYS.COMedy.