articles

Surviving The Recession

George W. Bush - One Last Swipe

Punnet Hollywood

Generators and Quizzes

How To Build Confidence

Strict Rules for the Beijing Olympics 2008

Iron Man Facts

New Words for the English Dictionary

Playing To Offend: Criminal Video Games

All-New Deadly Sins

Log In

Email

Password


Not a member? Join
Forgot password

Mafiosi The Mafia Don't Want You To Know About

mobsters in a mexican stand off

It's this type of tomfoolery, portayed in Reservoir Dogs, that cut short the promising career of Gino "Can't Count To Three" Terino.

The mafia is a powerful and deadly force in our society.

Dreaded figures such as Al Capone, John Gotti, Sammy "The Bull" Gravano, "Lucky" Luciano and Bugsy Siegel, have struck fear into millions as they spread their tentacles through all the fun things in life: drugs, prostitution and gambling.

But there are other, lesser known villains that the mafia is ashamed of.

After months of research and undercover investigations, the Gorskys are now able to reveal some of the crime figures that show just how far the mafia has fallen since it's glory days in the 1920's.

Here are some of the mafiosi the mafia don't want you to know about.

  • Stan "Itchy Fingers" Zambino - Over-eagerness to pull trigger resulted in loss of own foot.
  • Bruno "Big Guy" Venutti - Dwarven loan shark with a mean streak as wide as he is tall. So nice, he typically lends money interest free instead of the usual 12 points a week everyone else charges.
  • Alfonso "Nancy" Fiorelli - No longer allowed to shower with other mafiosi in the Chantussi family.
  • Roberto "Wrinkle Free" Capelli - Extensive face lifts mean he can no longer close his eyes. Also known as "Wide Awake Bob".
  • Nancy "Nancy" Fiorelli - Constantly asked to shower with other mafiosi in the Chantussi family.
  • Anthony "Chicken Fucker" Bastoni - Was Anthony "Scarface" Bastoni until 7:34 pm, 11 January 1979.
  • Fredo "The Plumber" Giardino - Call 9555 1479 for competitive quotes. 24 hour emergency call out. Fully licensed.
  • Tony "Stable" Zampelli - Breeds horses for chopping their heads off and leaving in people's beds. Has made only one sale in 40 years.
  • Vinnie "Vinnie" Marcussi - A very ordinary gangster with no particular character traits or notable physical disfigurements. Except for the lack of ears.
  • Henry "The Singer" Morosso - Opera-loving hitman. Kills his victims with a sewing machine.
  • Mike "No Jokes" Hunt - Forced Vic Bastore to eat his own liver after hearing the gag about his name one too many times.

Mafiosi you've suggested

  • Johnny "Blind Man" Biaggio - Has never completed a successful hit. Had a contract put out on him for his many botched jobs. But now that "Itchy Fingers" Zambino is tutoring him, he may actually complete his first hit by killing himself.
    Scott Petrovits [6 Jan 2003]
  • Johnny "Bingo" Bosco - Packs heat down at the bowling club in little Italy on bingo nights, and he always goes home with the meat tray; Capice!
    Nigel Kenna [6 Jan 2003]
  • Tony "Narcoleptic" Fazoli - Has been believed to be killed off 6 times but each time he had just passed out.
    Smitty [6 Jan 2003]
  • Ralf "Trophy Hunter" Mortangelo - Kept "Jerry the Thumb's" thumbs after he completed a hit on him. Don't ask about his hit on "Jimmy the Penis."
    Johny Casino [6 Jan 2003]
  • Johnny "Big Lips" Pescatori - Was ordered to blow up a car. Burned his lips on the tailpipe.
    louis a saffice [6 Jan 2003]
  • Ricardo "my nickname is inappropriately long and pointless and not easy to say" Calzone - his monogram reads like an eyechart (of death!)
    DJ Jimmy [6 Jan 2003]
  • Jimmy "the..." Pesci - A lesser member of the Pesci family, his achivements have been few.
    J. Wilson [6 Jan 2003]
  • Carlos "Futon" Santiago - Cut the legs of his bed in order to "lay low" for a while.
    Bez Bashirudin [6 Jan 2003]
  • Jimmy "The Chop" "Marini - Kills his victims by beating them to death with a pork chop
    Paul Wolfe [6 Jan 2003]
  • Johnny "Crap Foot"Gambini - Johnny is the muscle of the Gambini family and he will kick the shit out of you.
    Paul Cruz [6 Jan 2003]
  • Sidney "Poitier" Gambini - Thinks he's black.
    Kevin Brettauer [6 Jan 2003]
  • Ants 'Ice Man' Zamboni - sorts out the bad guys of ice hockey. Trips, Boards and 'Ices' them. If you know what I mean. Bad-a-bing.
    Joy [6 Jan 2003]
  • Jimmy "No Fingers" Castellano - arrested for trying to rob the First National Bank by pointing his thumb at a teller and demanding money.
    Neil [6 Jan 2003]
  • Marco "Gifilta Fish" Munchinni - The only food Marco allowed himself to indulge in was traditional Jewish cuisine. Was the first Italian mobster to be curcumsised and later opened his own kosher deli.
    YONI BOLONI [6 Jan 2003]
  • Vincent "pretty in pink" Vega - Was caught wearing the Don's wifes panties. He now dances at the local club, "the pussy cat's".
    Neil Hiatt [6 Feb 2003]
  • Joey "Kneecap" Santorielli - Always carries a baseball bat. Lends new meaning to the phrase, "On your knees, fella."
    Ron Penoyer [5 Mar 2003]
  • Vinnie"The Blonde" Carrelli - When sent out on a 'double hit', he made the mistake of tying their heads together and shooting them through the hands. This hurt like like hell, but thats about it!
    scott Quick [2 Aug 2003]
  • Vito " 2 Fat" Cornelini - Weighed 315 lbs when he stayed stuck under a car after planting a 30 second time bomb. Vito has lost 315lbs since then.
    Jamez Don J-mez [11 Oct 2004]

Do you know any crime bosses?

Fill in the form below to let us know of other crap mafia figures. We'll add the funniest suggestions to GORSKYS.COMedy.

First Name
Last Name
Email
Your suggestion
Do not include HTML.
All submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
How did you find GORSKYS.COMedy this visit?

Do you like this site? Tell a friend.

December 2000


Instant Laughs
(just add click)



Support GORSKYS.COMedy
Buy us a beer.
We need it!
Make payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!
Donate through PayPal