Dead for 30 years, Michael Jackson's body will begin to decompose in 2054.
We’ve looked into the future, and it’s not pretty: four more years of George W. Bush, then Americans will elect another complete prat to be President.
You know how we know?
It’s what Americans have always done. Why change?
Anyway, while looking into the future, we analysed world trends, took some wild guesses, and made some bold predictions.
Here they are: our prognostications about life in 2054.
- People will finally have tired of reality TV, and a new concept for TV shows will be introduced: using actors and scripts.
- Oil supplies will have run out. The world will discover how to harness an alternative energy source: Red Bull.
- There will be a cure for cancer, but not for spam.
- The continuous breeding program that gave the world Alec, Billy, Stephen and Daniel will mean that every male Hollywood actor is a Baldwin brother.
- People won’t go to the movies anymore, now that every film contains a Baldwin.
- People will cache their entire lives to their hard-drives, recording every conversation, movement and fart. It will take two continuous weeks to watch your friend’s video of her two week holdiay.
- Newspapers will be thinner because the entire English language will be comprised of SMS-abbreviated words.
- The world’s population will reach 7 billion. Finally, there’ll be a statistical certainty of even the ugliest people getting laid.
- It will be safe to go camping in the jungle. All the animals will be extinct.
- Global warming will have turned the Sahara Desert into the world’s largest beach resort.
- George Lucas will complete his new masterpiece: Star Wars Episode XXXV: Rise of the Ewoks (Again)
- James Bond will finally have met his match.
- George Bush IV will be elected and declare war on Iraq, hoping to finally avenge his father, grandfather and great-grandfather.
- Prince Harry will finally admit he has a drug problem: viagara.
- GORSKYS.COMedy wil sell its first t-shirt.
- Life will be discovered on Mars. Night-life will be discovered in Hobart, the world’s dullest city.
- The first successful class action will be brought against KFC after it is revealed that 6 of the 11 secret herbs and spices cause cancer.
- Alien scientists will make contact, but only to beg us to stop screening re-runs of Seinfeld, which they’ve had to endure constantly for 60 years while monitoring our transmissions in the hope of finding intelligent life.
- Men will finally understand women.
- Children will be able to see pictures of the sun in museums.
- Scientists will discover the chicken came first.
- John Farnham will perform his “No, this time it’s definitely the last one ever” farewell tour.
Nothing will taste like chicken anymore.
Indonesia will be overrun by evil Furbies.
My friend will finally pass his driving test!!!
Muckdonalds will offer their 100% real Soya Burger at 99 Dollars! and another Government funded survey will declare that they cause anorexia!
Squid will rise form the oceans and attack humans everywhere, overthrowing them and setting themselves up as the dominant race.
Boobs for men will come as standard issue, join the army and you will recieve 2nd pair free!
Pizza boys will be called to enforce the law instead of the police because with their speedy delivery, they’ll get there before the body’s gone cold.
Scientists will come up with a cure for boredom and ultimately it back fires and everything becomes boring and the human race kills themselves from being bored
Ashlee Simpson will finally realize she has no talent and give up on having a singing career. Jessica Simpson will be confused.
The Michael Jackson paedophille trail will finally be over
George W. Bush will get (legitimately) elected as U.S. President for the very first time
Bin Laden has finished rebuilding the twin towers with his bare hands
Democrats will finally get over the 2000 election.
The Chicago Cubs will still not have won the World Series!!!
France will have, at long last, won a war
Schapelle Corby makes bail.
Everyone will have finally stopped quoting movies and television shows. As I will have eliminated all of them very painfully.
Mary Kate and Ashley (the Olsen twins) will have there “double retirement trouble” series on TV about geriatric twins in nursing homes
This thread will be 4 terrabytes in size.
Y2K.54 Crisis
Prince Charles will marry Oprah Winfrey
I still wont get laid
Moon landing skeptics will be deported to Pluto.
China will build factories in USA taking advantage of cheap labor.
Florida would have finally finished counting the votes from the 2000 election.
It is cheaper to break $100 into $1 bills than buy a roll of toilet paper which now costs $101 and has only 100 pieces.
White House has a beautiful view of Atlantic Ocean and new tropical garden.
Bill Gates’ mind will be transfered to a computer before his death. Five years later, The Matrix is fully operational.
Someone will finally discover what Chicken McNuggets are made out of
Gas will cost more than cars