Concepts For The Next Harry Potter Book

July 21st, 2003
Liam with J.K. Rowling

Liam tells J.K. Rowling about his great idea

J.K. Rowling has finally released the fifth Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

It’s about time. At the rate she’s churning them out, her youngest fans will be almost 20 by the time the seventh (and supposedly final) book is written.

This is, of course, because Rowling had a very bad case of writer’s block while writing Order of the Phoenix. Without being able to think of ideas, she couldn’t write a book.

This month, we suggest some great ideas for the next instalment Harry Potter series.

  • Harry Potter and the Terrible Headache – After years of flashing pains in the head, Harry’s doctor discovers the pain isn’t caused by his scar, but a malignant brain tumour.
  • Harry Potter and the Copyright Lawyer – Harry Potter sues J.K. Rowling for unauthorised use of this life story.
  • Harry Potter and the Order of Fries – Harry gets a job at McDonalds.
  • Harry Potter and the Sorcerer Get Stoned – Harry discovers marijuana.
  • Harry Potter and the Road Map To Peace – Harry’s magic powers encounter something even he can’t fix: Palestinian and Jewish stubbornness.
  • Harry Potter and the Year Not Much Happened – In a striking turn of events, Voldemort takes a year out from planning world domination, and has a holiday to Majorca, leaving Harry with not much to do.
  • Harry Potter and the Hobbit – Desperate for something to do, Harry reads a fantasy classic aloud to Ron.
  • Harry Potter and the Pregnancy Scare – Ron and Hermione have a close shave.
  • Harry Potter and the Order of Whiskey – Harry realises magic scars aren’t the only thing that can make your head hurt.
  • Harry Potter and the Years of Therapy – Harry takes a while to recover after walking in on Dumbledore in a hot, steamy session with Dobby.
  • Harry Potter and Friends On Ice – Towards the end of the franchise, the money-making attempts go decidedly down-market.
  • Harry Potter and the Dark Secret – Proving that Dumbledore is driven by the same lustful urges as any man, he and Harry share moments of pleasure, and a dark secret.
  • Harry Potter and the Crossover – Harry Potter teams up with the girls from Charmed to defeat Lord Vader.
  • Harry Potter and the Enormous Bill – Harry discovers that his education at Hogwarts wasn’t covered by his inheritance after all. Notable excerpts include applying for a bank loan, cleaning windshields at the intersection of Diagon Alley, and making monthly repayments.
  • Harry Potter and the Deluge of Spam – Harry goes online and discovers not even magic can stop spammers.

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Concepts For The Next Harry Potter Book

Your Harry Potter story concepts

  1. Harry Potter and the 40 Foot Hedgehog Harry and Spiny Norman team up to torment Dinsdale Piranha, so Dinsdale’s brother Doug subjects them to scathing sarcasm and defeats them.

    Current score: 2

    Dinsdale Piranha [04/08/2003]

  2. Harry Potter And Exlax Harry talks for 800 pages with Moaning Myrtle while constipated in the girl’s bathroom.

    Current score: 2

    Nick fatious [04/08/2003]

  3. Harry Potter and the Forbidden Door Harry, Ron, and Hermione discover pornography in Hogwarts’ local video store behind the door marked XXX!

    Current score: 2

    Shiva Seecharan [03/08/2003]

  4. Harry Potter Meets Local Goverment Harry learns there are things you cannot fix or get to see reason

    Current score: 2

    dale m [02/08/2003]

  5. Harry Potter and the Evil Mirror Harry zaps himself trying to destroy his ‘evil twin’.

    Current score: 2

    CozB [02/08/2003]

  6. Harry Potter Find Poison Oak In this new 924 page thriller Harry finds poison oak and goes on a 900 page itching spree, in the last few pages Harry discovers that he can make himself stop itching by a fairly simple spell, “itchnomore”.

    Current score: 2

    Lin Jacobe [01/08/2003]

  7. Harry Pothead and the Philosopher’s Stoned Damn! Stupid Copyright laws. Why, I oughtta…

    Current score: 0

    Switch Laffalot [01/08/2003]

  8. Harry Potter and the Absolute Cliche Harry gets sick of No. 4, Privet Drive, is rescued by the Weasleys, goes to school, gets in all kinds of mischief, does some other stuff, fights You-Know-Who, escapes (barely) and tells Prof. D all about it. >YAWN< Yet another exciting year.

    Current score: 0

    Switch Laffalot [01/08/2003]

  9. Harry Potter and the Straitjacket of Insanity Harry falls off a building, gets hit on the head, and wakes up in a strange world where magic isn’t real and the walls are padded. Many other people are their, and they all think they are wizards too! Something is amiss.

    Current score: 0

    Switch Laffalot [01/08/2003]

  10. Harry Potter and The Multitasking Environment Harry enters the magical world of Microsoft Corp. and crashes repeatedly and indefinitely, therefore allowing Voldemort to take over the world with the help of an evil-natured Penguin called Linux.

    Current score: 0

    Oogie Boogie [31/07/2003]

  11. Harry Potter and the Elocution Lessons The entire ensemble of characters, as well as readers, are finally given the chance to find out how to correctly pronounce Hermione’s name.

    Current score: 0

    Daniel Kahn [29/07/2003]

  12. Harry Potter and the Chamber Pot of Secrets Harry finds a magical toilet and decides that he is tired of being a wizard. In this 300 page thriller, Harry retires to the magical Chamber Pot and reads a lot of interesting magazines.

    Current score: 0

    Fabric Fabric Glue [27/07/2003]

  13. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Rohypnol Harry wakes up the morning after the Yule Ball with a sore anus and no recollection of the night before.

    Current score: 0

    Daniel Kahn [26/07/2003]

  14. Harry Potter and the truth Dumbledore tells Harry that he and his world is fictional. Harry gets so upset he goes on a kiling rampage to prove Dumbledore wrong.

    Current score: 0

    HpN [26/07/2003]

  15. Harry Potter, shit that wasn’t ment to happen! Voldemort kills Harry, and takes over the world.

    Current score: 0

    HpN [26/07/2003]

  16. Harry Potter and The Spelling Bee
    Harry studies Entymology and gets a little help from a friend in the garden.

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [25/07/2003]

  17. Harry Potter Wrestlemania™ This is it, folks! Harry finds himself making the ultimate face-off against characters from Lord of the Rings! Harry vs. Frodo, Dumbledore vs. Gandalf, Hermione vs. Galadriel and Ron vs. the cave troll! Root for your favorite team!

    Current score: 0

    Samantha Sammy [25/07/2003]

  18. Harry Potter and the Closet of Secrets Harry comes out of the closet about his sexuality

    Current score: 0

    Chris Hoover [25/07/2003]

  19. Harry Potter and his True Identity After an encounter with his old friends Michelangelo, Raphael, and Leonardo, Harry realizes that he is the long lost “Piccasso” ninja turtle.

    Current score: 0

    Leroy Bort [24/07/2003]

  20. Harry Potter and the Sexually Transmitted Disease Harry has a battle with gonorrhea.

    Current score: 0

    Lily Mortensen [24/07/2003]

  21. Harry Potter and The Magic Mushrooms Harry takes a psychadelic trip to a special land, without leaving the room.

    Current score: 0

    Buster Gonads [24/07/2003]

  22. Harry Potter and the REAL use of “engorgio” Harry realises that the growth spell “engorgio” can do so much for his pride and manhood.

    Current score: 0

    schmoe [24/07/2003]

  23. Harry Potter and World Domination After defeating all his adversaries and solving most of the worlds problems, Harry realises that there is nothing left in his way.

    Current score: 0

    Tanya H [23/07/2003]

  24. Harry Potter and the Boob Job Harry gets into trouble with Hermione for doubling the size of her breasts while she is sleeping. Harry adamantly insists that he should have gone larger.

    Current score: 0

    Tanya H [23/07/2003]

  25. Harry Potter and the Enchanted Jockstrap No amount of magic will get the stains out of Harry’s favourite jockstrap. Hermione says she likes them.

    Current score: 0

    Tanya H [23/07/2003]

  26. Harry Potter and the Matrix Harry dodges bullets for 300 pages.

    Current score: 0

    Tanya H [23/07/2003]

  27. Harry Potter and the Weapons of Mass Destruction Harry levels Hogwarts in a pursuit of weapons of mass destruction that he says are definately somewhere.

    Current score: 0

    Tanya H [23/07/2003]

  28. Harry Potter and the Spanish Inquisition. Noooo one expects the Spanish Inquisition, but they turn up anyway, and subject Harry to ‘Ordeal by Comfy Chair’.

    Current score: 0

    Andria [23/07/2003]

  29. Harry Potter and the Magic Wand Harry discovers Viagra.

    Current score: 0

    CozB [22/07/2003]

  30. Harry Potter and the Plothole Harry and friends defeat Voldemort, but there is no indication as to why and how.

    Current score: 0

    CozB [22/07/2003]

What do you think the next story should be about?

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