Concepts for the next Harry Potter book

Liam tells J K Rowling about his great idea "Harry Potter and the lecherous stare".

Your Harry Potter story concepts

• Harry Potter and the Plothole - Harry and friends defeat Voldemort, but there is no indication as to why and how.
  CozB [22 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Magic Wand - Harry discovers Viagra.
  CozB [22 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Spanish Inquisition. - Noooo one expects the Spanish Inquisition, but they turn up anyway, and subject Harry to 'Ordeal by Comfy Chair'.
  Andria [23 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Weapons of Mass Destruction - Harry levels Hogwarts in a pursuit of weapons of mass destruction that he says are definately somewhere.
  Tanya H [23 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Matrix - Harry dodges bullets for 300 pages.
  Tanya H [23 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Enchanted Jockstrap - No amount of magic will get the stains out of Harry's favourite jockstrap. Hermione says she likes them.
  Tanya H [23 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Boob Job - Harry gets into trouble with Hermione for doubling the size of her breasts while she is sleeping. Harry adamantly insists that he should have gone larger.
  Tanya H [23 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and World Domination - After defeating all his adversaries and solving most of the worlds problems, Harry realises that there is nothing left in his way.
  Tanya H [23 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the REAL use of "engorgio" - Harry realises that the growth spell "engorgio" can do so much for his pride and manhood.
  schmoe [24 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and The Magic Mushrooms - Harry takes a psychadelic trip to a special land, without leaving the room.
  Buster Gonads [24 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Sexually Transmitted Disease - Harry has a battle with gonorrhea.
  Lily Mortensen [24 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and his True Identity - After an encounter with his old friends Michelangelo, Raphael, and Leonardo, Harry realizes that he is the long lost "Piccasso" ninja turtle.
  Leroy Bort [24 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Closet of Secrets - Harry comes out of the closet about his sexuality
  Chris Hoover [25 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter Wrestlemania™ - This is it, folks! Harry finds himself making the ultimate face-off against characters from Lord of the Rings! Harry vs. Frodo, Dumbledore vs. Gandalf, Hermione vs. Galadriel and Ron vs. the cave troll! Root for your favorite team!
  Samantha Sammy [25 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and The Spelling Bee - Harry studies Entymology and gets a little help from a friend in the garden.
  ChatRat [25 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter, shit that wasn't ment to happen! - Voldemort kills Harry, and takes over the world.
  HpN [26 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the truth - Dumbledore tells Harry that he and his world is fictional. Harry gets so upset he goes on a kiling rampage to prove Dumbledore wrong.
  HpN [26 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Rohypnol - Harry wakes up the morning after the Yule Ball with a sore anus and no recollection of the night before.
  Daniel Kahn [26 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Chamber Pot of Secrets - Harry finds a magical toilet and decides that he is tired of being a wizard. In this 300 page thriller, Harry retires to the magical Chamber Pot and reads a lot of interesting magazines.
  Fabric Fabric Glue [27 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Elocution Lessons - The entire ensemble of characters, as well as readers, are finally given the chance to find out how to correctly pronounce Hermione's name.
  Daniel Kahn [29 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and The Multitasking Environment - Harry enters the magical world of Microsoft Corp. and crashes repeatedly and indefinitely, therefore allowing Voldemort to take over the world with the help of an evil-natured Penguin called Linux.
  Oogie Boogie [31 Jul 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Straitjacket of Insanity - Harry falls off a building, gets hit on the head, and wakes up in a strange world where magic isn't real and the walls are padded. Many other people are their, and they all think they are wizards too! Something is amiss.
  Switch Laffalot [1 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Absolute Cliche - Harry gets sick of No. 4, Privet Drive, is rescued by the Weasleys, goes to school, gets in all kinds of mischief, does some other stuff, fights You-Know-Who, escapes (barely) and tells Prof. D all about it. >YAWN< Yet another exciting year.
  Switch Laffalot [1 Aug 2003]
• Harry Pothead and the Philosopher's Stoned - Damn! Stupid Copyright laws. Why, I oughtta...
  Switch Laffalot [1 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter Find Poison Oak - In this new 924 page thriller Harry finds poison oak and goes on a 900 page itching spree, in the last few pages Harry discovers that he can make himself stop itching by a fairly simple spell, "itchnomore".
  Lin Jacobe [1 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Evil Mirror - Harry zaps himself trying to destroy his 'evil twin'.
  CozB [2 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter Meets Local Goverment - Harry learns there are things you cannot fix or get to see reason
  dale m [2 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Forbidden Door - Harry, Ron, and Hermione discover pornography in Hogwarts' local video store behind the door marked XXX!
  Shiva Seecharan [3 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter And Exlax - Harry talks for 800 pages with Moaning Myrtle while constipated in the girl's bathroom.
  Nick fatious [4 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the 40 Foot Hedgehog - Harry and Spiny Norman team up to torment Dinsdale Piranha, so Dinsdale's brother Doug subjects them to scathing sarcasm and defeats them.
  Dinsdale Piranha [4 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Holy Grail - Harry teams up with King Arthur and stabs him in the back after retrieving the grail, takes it back to Ron, and gains his heart.
  J-Dawg Mr. [6 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter And The Evil Buisnessmen - Harry invests in some stock, becomes the main shareholder, and when the stock in going down the drain, uses illegal information to buy himself out. Kind of a Martha Stewart rip-off
  Judy Rosenberg [6 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the KiddySnuff Gorefest - JK Rowling pushes the 'dark' theme to the limit
  Stuart Laidler [8 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Game Over - Harry realizes he was playing his gamecube all along.
  Haley lolchik [9 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Same Turn of Events as Every Other Book - Just a new title
  Dog Legge [9 Aug 2003]
• rettoP yrraH - In order to keep sales up JK Rowling reverses all of the books' titles to fool readers into thinking she doesn't have writers block.
  Dog Legge [9 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Hairy Potty - JK Rowling finally twigs that she can write any old crap and we'll all buy it anyway.
  Jo Baker [12 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter, Betwitched, and the girls from Charmed - The casts from the Harry Potter series, Bewitched, and Charmed must face a committee of Wiccans and other Pagans for ruining the image of otherwise healthy religions. It ends with J. K. Rowling crawling into a corner, ashamed of herself for aiding in the persecution of real witches.
  Tyler Piramno [14 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Weapons of Mass Destruction - Harry and friends are told of a terrible threat to the world by Dumbledore and spend 2628 pages searching for it before they discover that it was all a trick by the old Professor.
  Mongo Gutman [16 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Chick With A Dick - Harry Potter is holidaying in Las Vegas. After drinking too much fine whiskey he finds himself getting married to a strange woman with a fove o'clock shadow by an Elvis impersonator. He takes his new bride home only to discover that his new wife has magically become a man.
  Chris [18 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter in da HOUSE YO! - Harry, growing tired of his arcane wizarding image, gets his hair done in dooky-braid cornrolls, some dollar-sign contacts and a FILA tracksuit, and heads off to the famed mystical land known as 'tha Ghetto'. Learns more useful spells like "yo' BITCH!" as he spends the majority of the book pimping off Hermoine and Ginny while rollin' in his lowered broom with 20' chrome spinners
  Corn Doggy Dogg [20 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the reappearing red dots - Imagine Harry's surprise when he gets his first STD. Will magic be enough to clear it up, or will it take some penicillin?
  Greg Slack [21 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter's Church of the Really Big Chicken - Harry reveals his spiritual side when he founds a New Age Church devoted to peace, love and fried chicken.
  Bob Hudson [24 Aug 2003]
• Harry potter and Akira - Harry stumbles across a bright red motorcycle, changes his name to Kaneda, and goes on a quest to defeat his friend.
  riley quinn [30 Aug 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Evangelions - Harry is thrust into a world of a catastrophe of religious proportions. Fighting in an biomechanical beast, he is mankind's last hope. Watch as his mind is virtually ripped to shreds. That scar ain't got nothing on this.
  CozB [14 Sep 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Bedroom of Gary Glitter - Harry discovers a fading stars bedroom and soon realises it was a "bum" story
  Sean Messy [15 Sep 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Game of Dungeons and Dragons - Harry discovers that if he were a fighter he could actually hurt his enemies.
  Goldfish Poodle Boy [22 Sep 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Warner Brothers Scandal - Harry, Ron and Hermione sue Warner Brothers for not paying them royalties.
  Heather Ashburn [27 Sep 2003]
• Harriet Potter and the Spell That Backfired - After realsing that he has know clue when it comes to dating, Harry finds a spell to help him understand girls better. Unfortunately it goes horribly wrong.
  Heather Ashburn [27 Sep 2003]
• Harry Potter, the Make-up Artist, and the Scary Scar - Harry discovers that his scar is just a hardened make-up prosthetics and has nothing to do with Voldemort intending to kill him. He discovers that You-Know-Who is just a make-up artist experimenting on making make-ups look real.
  Fired Dolt [27 Sep 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Dragon Balls - Harry goes out searching for seven mysterious yellow crystal balls, which, when combined together, let him make a wish. Teaming up with a monkey, a monkey's son, a bald guy with spots on his head and a green man from Mars, he fights his way through hordes of gay villians who can blow up planets with a single energy-blast. Hold onto your Kamahemeha's, cause this time, Voldemort's not the only one out to destroy the world!
  Silent Dan [9 Oct 2003]
• Harry Potter vs Colonel Potter - Thats right! The actual last episode of M*A*S*H*! Turns out Harry Potter is a secret "spell casting" spy from North Korea; and you guessed it, Major Frank Burns never left Korea and is working 'hand in hand' with the EVIL SORCERER in a plot to extend the war indefinitely! But Harry Potter, atop his faithful horse Sophie (with a little help from a few allied tanks) kicks ass in a 2 day battle and ends the war with a victory for the good guys!
  scott quick [11 Oct 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Dangerous Sky Dive - Voldemort cuts Harry's parahcute cords so that he falls 20,000 feet to his death.
  Richard King [28 Oct 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Static Shock - Harry uses rubber shoes and nylon carpet to plays a nasty trick on Dumbledore's beard
  Richard King [28 Oct 2003]
• Harry's adventures with the Invisibility Cloak - Harry discovers "things" that he hadn't known about before. Ron joins him and finds out he is "in the closet."
  Fatious Maximus [11 Nov 2003]
• Harry Potter Throws a Salad Bowl - Harry Potter takes up pottery
  Alasdair Lomas [12 Nov 2003]
• Harry Potter And The Scary Emergency Room Trip - Harry's "full sick" double switch-side mute backflip on his broom has neck breaking consequences
  Kegs Richardson [13 Nov 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Chocolate Factory - Harry and his friends eat a killer jaw breaker, and the rest of the 400 pages are their autopsies.
  samantha bay [15 Nov 2003]
• Hairy Pawter and the Fleas that Wouldn't Go Away
  Bo D1zw0 [26 Nov 2003]
• Harry Potter and The Complex Plot Twist That Brings Up More Questions Than It Solves So People Will Buy The Next Book - - Harry and Co. get into trouble in the Muggle world. In an attempt to save them Dumbledore disguises himself as an old man, but his spell backfires and he gives himself Alzheimer's. The trio must find a way to get his memory back as Harry begins to find out something about his past that only the Headmaster of Hogwarts knows. Oh, and Hagrid is there too.
  XandertheMighty [5 Dec 2003]
• Harry Potty And The Diaper Of Doom - This is a smaller paged book for the toddler set.
  Janet Rogers [5 Dec 2003]
• Harry Potter Buys Microsoft - Harry save up the money from his books and merchandise and manges to make Windows run without ANY errors. (Definetely fiction.)
  marc dennis [6 Dec 2003]
• Hairy Pornstar and the Whipping Bench - Harry discovers he is a Dom and straps Hermione to the Whipping Bench, spanking her with floggers, canes and a paddle before making her grovel on the floor for his magic wand.
  Crow Master [10 Dec 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Visit to the Girls Dorm - Harry and Ron put on the invisbility coat to suprise Hermione on her birthday only to find Dumbledore popping out of a cake saying "Whose your daddy?" Is this the end of friendship or a new beggining?
  DJ DJ [17 Dec 2003]
• Harry Potter in Wonderland - He meets Alice and they lived happily ever after.
  lame lamer [23 Dec 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Social Security office - Harry is so old by the time this movie is made, he simply signs up for his social security check. The high point is when he is turned down.
  Chris Count [30 Dec 2003]
• Harry Potter and the Fan Club - Harry finds himself in a meeting of the official Harry Potter fan club headed by none other then Voldermort.
  Melissa Mitri [11 Jan 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Revised School Charter - Harry discovers that another three years has been added to his time at Hogwarts, ensuring a final year full of alcohol and wild flings in the girls dorm...also ensuring 3 more years of money for J K Rowling.
  Parry Hotter [20 Jan 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Book Deal - Harry scores a book deal after submitting a lengthy epic about an author named JK Rowling who spends seven years at Warthogs School of Writery trying to get rid of writers block.
  Parry Hotter [20 Jan 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Food Poisoning - Harry spends 956 pages in the hospital after eating some bad sushi.
  Parry Hotter [20 Jan 2004]
• Harry Potter and the packet of Checkmates - With his hormones raging out of control Harry is confronted with every teenagers worst nightmare, buying condoms for the first time.Will Harry have the courage to buy a pack over the counter or will he resort to magic and risk a teen pregnacy.
  chris c [21 Jan 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Flamboyant clothing - Fred and his twin brother urge Harry to use his hero status at Hogwarts to run a new Underground club. Harry at the age of 17 Discovers other 6th adn 7th year students will pay handsomly to get a go at the female students. Hermione Becomes the head mistress and knitts proper pimp clothing for Harry to wear around the school.
  Steve W [23 Jan 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Western tranfer - Harry Potter decides life in the Uk is too boring. He set out to transfer to the California school for wizardry known at Terminatorwarts. Harry becomes engulfed in Fighting Computerized Robots from the future with Californias Guvinator.
  Steve W [23 Jan 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Dark Secret - Harry discovers that he is gay... and he has a crush on Malfoy!
  Stuart Hetsler [11 Feb 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Blue Balls of Fire - Harry wants to unleash his ultimate wand, but Hermoine doesn't give it up to scar heads.
  Brian Booyah [15 Feb 2004]
• Harry PotterMon - Harry Potter goes on a spree to catch House elves, faries, hippogriffs, manticores, and other creatures to battle Ron's and become a magical creatures master.
  Casey Marshall [15 Feb 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner from Afghanistan - George Bush denounces wizardry as the biggest threat to freedom, and Dumbledore winds up in Guantanamo Bay. Harry saves the day, only to discover that his whitebearded charge isn't Dumbledore at all, but al-Dum Dori from Afghanistan, the world's most wanted terrorist. George Bush, with help from Lord Voldemort, imprisons Harry and it's up to Ron and Hermione to fight not only the Dark Side but also the US military machine.
  Marvyn Jensen [21 Feb 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Red Pill - Harry takes the red pill and wakes from the dream world to find he has no magic powers.
  Levi Ong [21 Feb 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Rowling - Harry wakes up in a cellar and discovers that he's blabbed all the secrets about the magical world to a person called J.K. Rowling. He gets wise and shuts up. Then all the books on him stop coming out. Is this what you call writers block?
  kite chon [11 Mar 2004]
• Harry Potter and The Magic Bra - Harry walks in on Ron and Hermione making out naked exept for a bra on Hermoine and it is magic because Harry casts a spell and it goes invisible.
  kara gorir [13 Mar 2004]
• Harry and the Scoliosis - Harry discovers he has irreversible back damage from lugging around the newest Harry Potter book
  Rib Smith [16 Mar 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Dole - Harry fails all of his exams because he spent too much time doing extra curricular activities. He now tries to apply for the dole. He may have saved the world from Voldemort, but will he be able to use his magic to make the government think that he is actually trying to look for a job?
  Anna Smith [16 Mar 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Pleasure Stick - Harry finds new uses for his wand
  keura nyo [22 Mar 2004]
• Harry Potter and The Genital Warts - Harry may defeat Lord Voldemort, but no amount of magic will make the herpes disappear
  Monkey Fish [24 Mar 2004]
• Harry Potter & The Closet of Truth - Harry admits his true feelings for Malfoy.
  Trevor Pugh [27 Mar 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Trouble with Marriage - Harry discovers married life is not all its cooked up to be.
  Al paz [31 Mar 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Wizarding 5 - Harry, Ron,Neville, Shamus and Malfoy (yes, Malfoy!) start a boy band and tour London.
  Moe Better [9 Apr 2004]
• Harry Potter, The Witch and the Wardrobe - Harry is caught by Malfoy while making out with Hermione. He loses interest in her and goes in to the closet and comes out, confessing to Malfoy his true feelings.
  kaz maz [9 Apr 2004]
• Harry Potter and Porcupine from Mars - Harry flies to Mars on his Nimbus 2000 and finds a new enemy, even scarier then Voldemort: a porcupine!
  Scary Girl [10 Apr 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Lecherous Leprechaun - Harry is faced with the all too sexual affections of a leprechaun from Ireland.
  Harry's Luva [10 Apr 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Kinky Midget - Harry is chained to a bed with fluffy pink handcuffs. Harry may have survived Voldemort, but can he survive one night with the Kinky Midget?
  Fo Shu [10 Apr 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Farting Fiasco - Harry discovers that his scar also left him with an uncontrollable fart.
  Billy Bob [12 Apr 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Red Rash of The Prisoner of Azkaban - Harry wakes with a message on his mirror saying "Welcome to the world of genital herpes."
  Cj [19 Apr 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Tennis Ball - 500 pages devoted to Harry describing his oh-so perfect tennis raquet and the other 500 pages devoted to Harry describing how he oh-so perfectly hits it.
  funkless funky [22 Apr 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Man Who's Free - A misguided spell during a confrontation with Voldemort not only sends Harry back in time but lands him on the sales floor of Grace Bros. Department store, the home of Are You Being Served. There he attracts the affection of a certain campy assistant on the men's counter. Bonus includes Harry demostrating color-change charms on Mrs. Slocombe's hair!
  Bill Moynihan [27 Apr 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Sledge Hammer of Doom - Harry gets bored and starts whacking the shit out of Ron.
  Information Denied Information Denied [30 Apr 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Gillette Razor - Harry learns how to shave, and changes his name to "Clean-shaven Potter".
  Kirk Sanders [6 May 2004]
• Harry Pothead and the Sorcerer's Stone (Author's Cut) - JK Rowling releases the unedited first book in the series, and adds a commentary on the inspiration for her stories.
  Kirk Sanders [6 May 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Attainment of Nirvana - Harry learns from his past mistakes and offers Voldemort the olive branch, finally giving the simple answer to the age-old problem of strife: "Why can't we all just get along?!" Moved by this profound statement, Voldemort changes his name to the more peaceful one "A Dove told Limmror" (using another anagram of his christened name).
  Kat Cantfitinthisboxgoshdarnit [8 May 2004]
• Harry Potter and Buffy the Vampire Slayer - In his 7th year at Hogwarts, Harry finds himself face to face with a vampire slayer who helps him to kill yet another defense against dark arts teacher, who is a vampire.
  Dan Richard [11 May 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Secret Meeting - Harry walks in on a staff meeting to discover that the teachers are going over the records of students. Harry learns that Ron is gay, Hermione is a lesbian, and that he himself is a bisexual - that explains his feelings about Cho AND Malfoy.
  Some Weird Person [15 May 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Magical Toilet Plunger - Harry plunges Voldemort to death!
  Bob Klamts [18 May 2004]
• Harry Potter and Hermione's Plesure Spell - Hermione has a new favourite spell: vibrateo.
  daniel mooney [19 May 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Chamber of Sucrets - Harry wakes up with a sore throat and doesn't know the proper spell. He finds a secret chamber called the Nurse's Office, and is given a cherry flavor lozenge that does the trick.
  Kirk Sanders [19 May 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner's Asskabob - Harry turns Dudley into a pile of doggy doo, and gets busted for using magic on a muggle. The Ministry of Magic sentences Harry to one painful year in prison with a cellmate named "Bubba", who is one serious dude.
  Kirk Sanders [23 May 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Laxative's secret - Ron plays a prank on Harry by putting laxative in his food at the opening feast. Harry must now fight the unbearable stomach cramps.
  jerry mr. mink [24 May 2004]
• Harry Potter and the NHS - Harry is fighting for his life in hospital after falling off his broomstick. Now he has to face the grim reality of bad food, trawling through medical waste to fight for a bed and the possibilty of bed sores or MRSA lurking down every urine/blood soaked corridor. And the cover up by doctors afterwards.
  Ari Pooter [31 May 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Amusing Pun - Harry is elated when Draco Malfoy chokes to death on his own spittle while laughing about a potty joke.
  Dijon [1 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Enchanted Pubic Hair - Harry discovers he has started to grow hair below his belt line. Strange things are afoot as his voice begins to change pitches in the middle of talking, he wakes up with sticky bed sheets and his skin becomes more oily. He fears its Voldemort's doing as Hermione has started to grow strange lumps on her chest.
  Andrew Reynolds [2 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Box from Columbia - Harry becomes a drug dealer.
  smeagol [5 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Flaming Burrito - Harry and the gang visit Mexico on a class trip and discover the wonderful world of Mexican food and drink. Voldemort takes form as Montezuma's Revenge when Harry drinks the water.
  Vio Lyn [9 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - The adult, late-time-reading version. See what really happens inside the dark, secluded walls of a magical prison.
  Hari Potta [14 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter IS the Prisoner of Azkaban - Harry disrespected authority and broke one too many rules. Now this golden child gets some magically tough lessons in the law.
  Bald Blacksmith [14 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter and The Telemarketers - Strangers suddenly contact Harry to deliver mysterious messages. They tell of a force so powerful, all who oppose it are driven mad. It seems no magic spell can keep away the relentless, ubiquitous, numberless waves of evil that are... the telemarketers!
  Bald Blacksmith [15 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter/Gone in 6 seconds - Harry becomes the worlds fastest car thief.
  Alloycius Potter [21 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter And The Pointy Ball - Harry Potter starts a new sport: Wizarding Rugby. Rules. What Rules?! As long as all players are allive, the game goes on. Rugby mets Street fighting meets wizarding duels. Run For cover!!!!!!
  Alloycius Potter [21 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter And The Dinner From Hell - Harry descovers something far far more frightening than Voldemort. Tatziki!
  Alloycius Potter [21 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter And The Evil Law Firm - Harry is in a bit of a scrape. His last spell went awry and Draco Malfoy, now a 40 foot blob of fat, sues him for all he's worth. Harry needs help, and fast. He starts looking for a law firm that will represent him, and soon gets a lawyer. Too bad the firm is Wolfram and Hart and the lawyer is Lindsay Macdowel.
  Alloycius Potter [21 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter meets Daniel Radcliffe - Harry comes face to face with a boy named Daniel Radcliffe who says he plays Harry Potter in the movies.
  buffy buffy [21 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter and Chemical Weapons - Harry thinks that the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher (Professer Saddam) has weapons of mass destruction and chemical weapons, so he sends the entire wizarding world to war with him, but find out that he was wrong.
  Reggie Yancey [23 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Sore Arse - Harry wakes up in Hagrid's bed with an arse the size of a well and no recollection of the previous night. As he sits up Hagrid says in a foxy voice "Mornin' Harry, feelin ok babe?"
  Kenna mClaren [24 Jun 2004]
• Harry Botter and the Philosopher's Bone - Harry's new philosophy teacher gives him a good seeing to.
  Stewart Duffill [28 Jun 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Dominatrix - Harry and Hermione get into bondage with the new Mistress of the Dark Arts.
  Stewart Duffill [10 Jul 2004]
• Harry Potter and the 900 pages of boredom - J.K. Rowling is out of ideas, but has a healthy supply of paper.
  Lord Voldermort [14 Jul 2004]
• Harry Potter loses the school - Using a secret reversing spell, Harry changes Hogwarts into a Giant Warthog. Hagrid falls in love with it and they elope into the dark forest before Harry can change it back.
  Iggy Henry [16 Aug 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Itchy Carpet - Harry loses a bet and has to sleep naked on the carpet in the common room, which unbeknownst to many is infested with crazed fleas. It's going to be a long night.
  digby weeno [19 Aug 2004]
• Harry Potter vs. Predator - Fve predators come from space to Hogwarts to give Harry and the other students a great semester!!
  Lord Nothing [24 Aug 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Amazing Secret - Harry Potter wakes up one morning and looks down to discover that he lost more than his parents against Voldermort.
  joshua hunter [2 Sep 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Ring Of Fire - After a bad curry, Harry and his mates must find the potion that will fix the Ring of Fire
  Normski [8 Sep 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Secret of NIMH - After secretly becoming animagi and transforming into small fuzzy animals, Harry, Ron, and Hermione are captured nad brought to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) where they are to test anti-depressants and mind altering drugs, and they lead a group of mice on a daring escape. Then the final book could be all about the escaped animals, lead by Harry, Ron, and Hermione, take revenge on mankind unleashing the bubonic plague on England once more.
  Mizz Gogo [8 Sep 2004]
• Harry Potter and the eBay scammer - Harry gets scammed into buying trash claimed as equipments need for use in magic. 400 pages of Harry trying to find the alleged scammer
  farooq [22 Sep 2004]
• harry potter and windows xp harry cant make it work no matter how good magician he is
  farooq [22 Sep 2004]
• Harry Potter and Hogwarts Idol - Harry finds himself as the new Hogwarts singing sensation in the 800 page thriller.
  Cori S [26 Sep 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Dragonlance Cult - J.K Rowling grows envious of Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickmans writing skills and decides to 'magically' transfer Harry into the Dragonlance World. In the Age of Mortals, Harry finds the ever lovely Mina and has his fling and agrees to give his soul to the Lord of Death Chemosh for 'Everlasting Life'. His heart then stops beating and he becomse Chemosh's newest vampiric Cult member, and then goes on a murdering spree. (Finally, something bad happening to the good guys!)
  RedCat74 [4 Oct 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Poor Sheep - Harry discovers he is really Welsh and feels the need to live up to his nationality.... by molesting sheep
  Roxy Smith [8 Oct 2004]
• harry potter and the "longer book than anything"- this 79285762497628907562934785695782365982376598756293875623978 page book is about absoultly nothing and after the harry potter nerds read it, they'll never buy a shiney harry potter book bag again.
  kyle taco [28 Oct 2004]
• Harry Potter and the Order of the French Fries - A rewrite of the 5th book so the Americans can understand better. Same reason for the Philosopher/Sorcerer name change.
  Some Bozo [7 Jan 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Ingrown Toenail - Harry must conduct war with an enchanted Ingrown toenail that starts out small and irritating, and then slowly grows to the size of the Quidditch pitch.
  Gineas Blegh [17 Jan 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Contest of Dreams - Harry, Ron, and Hermione go up against each other on American Idol.
  Strange Littleman [18 Jan 2005]
• Harry Potter: Uncut - JK Rowling will reveal the real meaning of her novel series by republishing each and every book, with the word 'wand' modified into 'wang'. "This wang is just like your father's." "Hold your wang firmly."
  Goldfish Poodle Boy [21 Jan 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Ass-bandit of Azkaban - Basically this all winds down to Harry being taken up the wrong'en!
  Jake Nicky [2 Feb 2005]
• Harry Potter: Episode IV - A New Hope - Harry leaves his sandy desert home to join up with the Rebel Alliance in the fight against the Empire.
  Severus Snipe [7 Feb 2005]
• Harry Potter Episode VI : The Voldemort Strikes Back - Harry Potter finds out that Voldemort is his Father. A fragment:
  Voldemort: "Dumbledoure never told you what happened to your father."
  Harry: "He told me enough. He told me you killed him."
  Voldemort: "No. I am your father."
  Harry: "No. That's not true. That's impossible."
  Voldemort: "Search your feelings you know it to be true."
  Harry: "Nooooo. Noooo. Noo.. ehum.. sorry... Noooooo... Can I stop saying' Nooooooo...?"
  My-name-is- Tumbo [22 Feb 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Very New Testament- JK Rowling just gives in to the contoversy and rewrites the Bible, but she replaces Jesus' name with Harry's and inserts the other characters names occasionally. (This book is 63 pages shorter than the Order of the phoenix)
  i thought i already read this o wait never mind [24 Feb 2005]
• CSI: Hogwarts - Harry teams up with the CSI crew to say corny comments, tough talk dead guys, solve the case & then say some more corny comments.
  theflatlander [9 Mar 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Crossover From Hell - Harry's seventh year class trip includes a pit stop in ancient Anatolia, where they he teams up with both Xena (warrior princess) and Lara Croft (Tomb Raider), who have been frozen in ice for years. 900 pages of seemingly random interactions, before the climatic ending, wherein Lara and Xena take off their tops, causing Harry and Voldemort to faint from shock. Then Xena sacrifices both to the heathen gods while Lara photographs!
  Isabel Mejia [16 Mar 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Magicians of The Century - Harry Potter goes to Las Vegas (the books are set in the 1990's) and teams up with Siegfried and Roy for a new show.
  Melissa Mitri [22 Mar 2005]
• Harry Potter and the writers block - 900 pages of nothing, except Hermione posing nude.
  Derek Shemwell I love hermione fan [4 Apr 2005]
• Harry Potter and the 50. caliber armor peircing round - Voldemort hires a sniper and totally, without the aid of magic, removes Harry's head from his shoulders
  FarnhamTheDrunk I win [16 Apr 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Public Education Department - An inspector goes to Hogwarts and complains about the curriculum.
  evil one [27 Apr 2005]
• Harry Potter meets the Blair Witch Project - Harry makes a wrong turn in Diagon Alley and ends up at 10 Downing Street, where the surprised cross-dressing Prime Minister, in full hag-drag regalia, pummels the young wizard unconcious with a broom.
  Peter Crane [12 May 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Cosmetic Surgery - Harry Potter gets beauty conscious and tries all possible spells to remove his scar. Finally he gives up and goes for plastic surgery.
  ankita [22 May 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Most Boring Book in the World - The entire book is blank just empty pages because J.K. Rowling has no idea what to write. This way everone can make up there own ending and everyone will be happy.
  david arnold [28 May 2005]
• Harry Potter and Wacko Jacko - Harry Potter sues Michael Jackson for molesting Ron and not letting Harry join in.
  mark arnold [30 May 2005]
• Harry Potter Fals Off a Cliff - The title speaks for itself with 23,768,497,958,707,958,608,968,708,009,090,909 page of Harry falling and 12,949,786,869,789,685,979,886,979,868,780,686 of him dead
  david arnold [31 May 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Day Ginny Went Ape-shit - Ginny goes mad and straps Harry to a bed and breaks his ankles after he admits he loves Hermione. Look out for the sequel Harry Potter and the Day Ginny Went Ape-shit at Hermione.
  mark arnold [31 May 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Cupboard Under the Stairs - Aunt Petunia loses the key for the cupboard under the stairs and Harry spends a year eating rats and talking to his imaginary friend Ralph.
  david arnold [31 May 2005]
• Harry Potter and SPEW - Harry and Ron create the Society for People Eating Whipped-Cream. SPEW is an appropriate name because they spend a year throwing up.
  david arnold [31 May 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Potty of Doom - Harry realises he is actually a baby and begins potty training
  James Nicholls [9 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter and the EU Constitution - Harry discovers that there is something even longer and more likely to make you fall asleep than one of his books.
  Anonymous Dude [10 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter and The Exciting Summer Period - The first book not to start with five snore-inducing chapters about the summer holiday period.
  Megan Cowie [10 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Weakest Link - Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Hagrid and Professor Dumbledore go on the Weakest Link and Hermione wins because she's a know it all bitch.
  david arnold [13 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Reflection of Horror - Harry finds the mirror of Erised and sees himself molesting Ron. What does this mean?
  david arnold [14 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Sex Education Lesson - Harry's class have a sex education lesson and Hermione seems to know a lot about it. A little too much in fact.
  david arnold [14 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Bone - A soft core porn film in which Harry reveals the true magic of his wand to Hermione.
  James Simpson [18 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Three Blind Mice - Harry discovers that the mice in the house are blind. But why did they steal his carving knife for the sixth year Potions class?
  roy bogart [18 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter finally gets told the truth about everything and he has to fight Lord Voldermort - A title and story in one.
  david arnold [21 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Half Blood Erection - What will Harry do when he can only get it up half way?
  TYR4N < [23 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter Does Dallas - Harry has a great time exploring the more mature plot lines
  martin scarbrough [24 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter vs Predator - Harry gets chance to show off his new scars. Maybe a chance for romance.
  martin scarbrough [24 Jun 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Poxy Little Twat - Harry looks in a mirror
  david arnold [3 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter in Denial - 99,999,999,999,999 pages of J.K. Rowling saying she hasn't got writers block.
  david arnold [4 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Boogie Board Bag - Malfoy leaves Harry a special surprise in his boogie board bag while travelling to Bali
  ADAM [7 Jul 2005]
• Harry Pothead and the Half-cut Prince - Harry and Price Harry on a night out.
  dave morris [18 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter and the sad ending - Harry and Voldemort decide to stop fighting and killing and have a square dance instead
  loopy lou [18 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Orgy with the Phoenix - Harry, Ron, Mrs. Weasley, Hermione, Ginny, Draco, Tonks and Fawks, the phoenix have an orgy
  teto prometheus [18 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Tight Lil' Dress - Harry finds he would perfer to be callled Harrina.
  K to da T [23 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Anti-Climax - Harry wakes up and it was all a dream.
  darles chickens [24 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Chamber of Prisoners and Goblets of Phoenixes with Princes - Rowling gets sick of the whole series and recaps the rest of the books in a hilarious "Clip's Show"
  Ian B [27 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter and The Morning After Spell:Luckily Hermione is as bright as everyone says she is.
  Lemonte Holcy [28 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter and the F&%k you cock sucker! - Harry goes back with a reason for cursing at the teachers: Tourette's Syndrome!
  laur Rosey [28 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter in Victoria's Secret - Harry gets zapped inside Dumbeldore's lingerie catalog, where he is forced to model G-strings daily. Here he learns Victoria's Secret
  Amoany Whore [28 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter and the shortest book in the world - Once upon a time Harry Potter tried to kill Voldermort but died. The End.
  david arnold of the grange school a.k.a. flip up [31 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Lousy Climax - After six books and millions of pages the final fight between Harry and Voldermort doesn't happen because Harry chokes on a mushroom.
  david arnold of the grange school a.k.a. flip up [31 Jul 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Humiliating Loss of Virginity - "She knocked me out with a club!", Harry screamed at Ginny.
  John Huerd [4 Aug 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Salem Witch Trial: A freak accident sends Harry and Co. to Salem 1634. Everyone accuses everyone else of being a witch. 200+ pages are devoted to Harry slowly being crushed under a pile of boulders. Hermoine is forced to wear a scarlet letter. Ron confesses that he slept with Hermoine and falls over dead, after 150 pages
  HellPhyre [25 Aug 2005]
• Harry Potter and The Chamber of Socrates--Harry signs up for Philosophy class and learns that he knows nothing except that he knows nothing.
  Devin The PIG [26 Aug 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Mother of all Hangovers - Harry wakes up in a prison hospital wing and is told by the guard that he has been on all sorts of drink and drugs for the past seven years and acting like a wisard for some reason.
  Richie [26 Aug 2005]
• Harry Potter and the prizoner of Alkatraz - Harry finally kills Voldemort and gets a life sentence to Alkatraz Prison.
  bob marley [15 Sep 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Hash Cookies - Harry manages to steal a little more from Snape's secret cupboard this year
  Helen Grumpy [18 Sep 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Internet- Harry discovers the wonders of Google.He starts to invest in the "Gryffindor Girls Dorm Webcam" page.
  Arsen Kazbeki [15 Oct 2005]
• Harry "Scarface" Potter - "Say hello to his little friend."
  teri allmen [16 Nov 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Green Plant - Harry takes the opportunity to grow a marijuana plant in herbology class. On his next birthday he makes magic brownies for the class.
  Ethan [29 Nov 2005]
• Harry Potter: Dude where's my broom?
  me cool kat [9 Dec 2005]
• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Vodka - Harry and friends get extremely drunk in their fourth year at Hogwarts, resulting in rowdy behavior and an abundance of hangovers.
  sa lemwitch [28 Dec 2005]
• Harry Potter Gets A Lisp. - Whose cruel joke is it to put an "S" in lisp?
  bozzy bozbourne [12 Jan 2006]
• Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce - Harry discovers the only way to defeat Lord Voldemort is to bankrupt him. He leaves Hogwarts and spends 5 more years at an accounting school.
  Shmee [16 Jan 2006]
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Aslan - Harry Potter goes to war with Narnia and gets captured by Aslan
  cormac wallace [3 Mar 2006]
• Harry Potter and the, hey! thats mine, don't touch it - Harry is somehow in that creepy graveyard, in the same postion he was last time when he was stuck hanging there, then, out of no where, Voldemort comes up to him, but instead of toughing his scar, he goes for the goods...
  elli marryee [15 Mar 2006]
• Harry Potter and the Inevitable Failure - Harry spends a whole year on this website trying to get a submission added.
  David Arnold [28 Apr 2006]
• Harry Potrost - An interesting tale of Harry's love for cooking
  Jennifer Cassor [5 May 2006]
• Harry Potter and the Mystery Horcrux - Harry finds out he is a horcrux and has to kill himself to beat Voldermort. *yawn* Yeah no-one saw that coming did they?
  david arnold [8 Jan 2007]
• Harry Potter and the BIG Mistake - Ron dresses up as Lord Voldemort for a bit of a laugh and Harry blasts him with a fatal dose of the Avada Kedavra. In the confusion, Harry blasts off the end of his doodle - he isn't pleased!
  Lucy Ng [25 Mar 2007]

What do you think the next story should be about?

Let us know your concept for the next Harry Potter novel. We'll add the funniest ones to GORSKYS.COMedy.