Exercises For The Fat & Lazy

There's no need to make a fool of yourself trying to shape up with our exercises for the fat and lazy.

Readers' Exercise Tips

• Keep bacon bits (Bacos preferred) in your chip dip to give your jaw muscles a more vigorous workout while crunching.
  Joel Bays [6 Jan 2003]
• Bathing in cold Water gets you to lose weight. So go skinny dipping in Antarctica
  Neil Hiatt [6 Jan 2003]
• To get into doing sit-ups,place the remote between your toes. Morgan K. Michael
• To have great, strong arms, tie a brick to your remote control.
  Johnny Casino [6 Jan 2003]
• Make sure you order 'diet cokes' when you have your 4 large big mac meals for an afternoon snack.
  C Hague [6 Jan 2003]
• Many athletes would agree that training and high performance is 50% mental... so concentrate on that part first.
  Whatsisname [6 Jan 2003]
• Doctors say that laughter is a form of internal exercise. Learn to laugh loud and long at everything - even episodes of "Everyone Loves Raymond"...
  Brian Vo [6 Jan 2003]
• If you suck the cream filling out of a twinkie then you dont get any of the calories.
  Mobbster [6 Jan 2003]
• Break everything you eat in half. All the caloires fall out...then you can feel free to eat all of it. Also,all food stolen from anothers plate is free of fat.
  Angela A Flanagan [6 Jan 2003]
• If you put in the hard yards, the rewards will pay them back - push the fridge to the couch then lie back and enjoy your beers.
  Pod [6 Jan 2003]
• A Calorie is a quantity unit of heat. To consume less Calories only eat cold food. This is why the ice cream diet really works.
  Lizzie [6 Jan 2003]
• Everyone knows that the calorie content of food is what puts on the weight so spit the calories out.
  Jill Hoye [6 Jan 2003]
• Buy a piece of telemarketing exercise equipment and spend the rest of the week kicking the shit out of the person who sold it to you.
  Shannon McErlain [6 Jan 2003]
• Many people agree that just walking up a few flights of stairs can be great exercise. But who has all that time? To get the same results in less time, go for a few joy rides on the escalator at the shopping mall.
  Johnny Casino [6 Jan 2003]
• When you think about it, you're the one person who never has to see what you look like- so why bother exercising? Lard up, fatboy.
  Grover Montage [6 Jan 2003]
• Check the wrapper of everything you eat for calorific content. If it doesn't state anything, it must be calorie free!
  Sarah H [6 Jan 2003]
• Tie a basketball to the lamp shade with a long piece of string or rope so that it hangs down in front of the TV. Give it a push so it swings side to side. Gravity will eventually make it stop so that it blocks your view again, and you will have to get out of your chair to give it another push, or get a long stick.
  Dave Cody [6 Jan 2003]
• The truly lazy person need not excercise at all! You see large is all a matter of perspective. So, you need to surround yourself with people larger than yourself. And BINGO, you are the skinny one.
  Dan H [6 Jan 2003]
• You burn calories even when you sleep, so just spend lots of time doing that.
  Brooke [6 Jan 2003]
• It doesn't count if it's someone else's chocolate bar.
  Brooke [6 Jan 2003]
• Tired of the usual boring exercise routines? Try these: Jumping to conclusions, Making leaps of faith, Running out of ideas, Jogging your memory
  Faux Fleur [6 Jan 2003]
• Increased gravity will make the tossing and turning of sleepytime the equal to a day at the gym. You just need to sleep where there is more gravity, like the surface of the Sun.
  Robepierre Mullet [6 Jan 2003]
• Just eat whipped cream; that should whip you into shape.
  Christo Joe [6 Jan 2003]
• Go to filthy public toilets, and squat don't sit. Get those thigh muscles pumped.
  Jane [6 Jan 2003]
• Buy an aerobics video and watch it each day. You may lie on the lounge while watching, but don't get a sore neck.
  Jane [6 Jan 2003]
• Superglue your mouth shut, then only drink soup through your nose... or any other orifice that feels comfortable.
  Neale Hitchiner [6 Jan 2003]
• Strap a black board to your back, then paint all your blubbery bits black. The matching colours will virtually strip you of all your fat, and you will like you've got anorexia!
  Neale Hitchiner [6 Jan 2003]
• Hide the remote control, this will make you: a) Move the couch closer to the TV, burning lots of calories; b) Actually get up and down to change the channels, again burning lots of calories; or c) Give up on TV entirely so that you walk to and from the Pub every night, once more burning lots of calories.
  Andrew Kent [6 Jan 2003]
• Just remember that when you're traveling abroad, just as your currency changes, so does the calorie exchange. For instance, if you're an American in Germany, where a mark is about $.50 to a dollar, you're only getting half the calories you would at home for the same food, so plan your itenerary accordingly.
  Courtney Smith [6 Jan 2003]
• Collect all your food wrappers together, along with anything else that says 'calories', and burn them. Jump up and down on the ashes for a quick aerobic workout.
  Whatsisname [6 Jan 2003]
• Put the remote control in your pocket and look all over the house for it which will burn off calories. eg: moving the couch, checking every room (works better if you live in a mansion). Also gives your brain a workout, which makes it lighter.
  Thing - a - magig [6 Jan 2003]
• Tie a donut to the back of an office chair. Sit in the chair and look at the donut, envision the donut, believe you can get the donut. GO FOR IT. You will get it eventually and by the time you will have gotten it you will be so sick you will barf up a few pounds. Plus spinning is aerobic.
  NCWeber [6 Jan 2003]
• Make youself feel good about your size by hanging a picture of a beached whale on your wall!
  Fat boy slim [6 Jan 2003]
• Only buy things that are 50% fat. then break them in half and eat the fat free side.
  chog the frog [6 Jan 2003]
• It's all just a state of mind. change your surroundings so there are no mirrors or reflective surfaces around you. out of sight out of mind, after a while you will forget all about your weight problems
  chog the frog [6 Jan 2003]
• It's all about moderation. So only buy medium sized McValue meals, regular sized fries etc. Be carefull of those 30% extra at no extra cost, mars bars. You don't want to go overboard.
  mad gorgon [6 Jan 2003]
• Spend 3 weeks at Australia's Woomera Detention Centre and sew your lips together, that should do the trick.
  Fiona [6 Jan 2003]
• Tell thin people this: 'If my waist was as narrow as your mind, I'd be annorexic!' Then eat as much as you want. And stalk the people that are mean to you.
  Joy [6 Jan 2003]
• Be realistic. Keep your fingers thin and fit. Spend four hours a day playing air guitar!
  Keri Leon [6 Jan 2003]
• A vacuum cleaner and a sharp knife can help remove those unsightly pounds in minutes!
  James Saunders [6 Jan 2003]
• Instead of eating real food, eat plastic food.
  The Crazy Soviet Guy [6 Jan 2003]
• I lost the equivalent of an entire person, I divorced my husband.
  Trude [6 Jan 2003]
• Try dousing yourself with gasoline and setting yourself on fire. Fire has been shown to burn off a LOT of fat!
  Rusty [6 Jan 2003]
• It helps to duct tape lead bricks to the cutlery and wear those flab-master flabtoning vibrator thingies all over your body.
  Wyshud Itellyu [6 Jan 2003]
• If you eat a Mars Bar, and drink a Diet Coke, they cancel each other out!
  Bubbly [6 Jan 2003]
• look at it this way, if you were a chicken you would be sold first
  lauren reed [6 Jan 2003]
• If you want a quick workout tie a donut to your toes and put your feet in the air, then try and reach the donut. It's very interesting.
  Fat Buster [6 Jan 2003]
• Drink more: The more you drink, the more you whiz, the more you whiz, the more that comes out.
  CozB [6 Jan 2003]
• Eat food from only the hardest to open packages. Great for your upper back and lats!
  Rhythmandbluesix [6 Jan 2003]
• Go to Mexico, eat all you want, I'll guarantee you, you will lose much weight!
  cutethug [28 Jan 2003]
• Instead of driving to McDonald's, walk there. It'll do great things for your legs.
  Adam “Poot” Kutnick [29 Jan 2003]
• Get a bank loan, get liposuction, turn the fat into soap, sell it, and pay back the loan. Easy!
  Simon A [8 Feb 2003]
• Spin around in a swivel chair all day.
  Krazy Daizy [9 Feb 2003]
• Get a fatter chick so she will keep telling you how thin you are!
  Insane Serb [20 Mar 2003]
• Go on a diet where you can't eat anything except fat and colesterol. After a few years have a heart transplant and do the same thing again. Eventually get to the Guiness Record book for the most heart transplants.
  Shaq [2 Apr 2003]
• Eat lots of donuts. The holes let the fat and calories slip right out. The greasier, the better the fat will fall out.
  Paul Mubb [5 Apr 2003]
• Get up in the morning. If you are truly lazy, this is the hardest thing to do.
  CozB [18 Apr 2003]
• Want to lose 10 pounds of unsightly fat?? SIMPLE - Cut off your head.
  Kezza Stevenson [24 Apr 2003]
• I used to weigh 160 pounds, and now, I weigh just 60 kilograms!!! It's all thanks to - The Imperial Metric Sytem.
  Kezza [24 Apr 2003]
• Only install fun-house "thin" mirrors in your house. You will always look great.
  Buster Gonads [25 Jul 2003]
• Go to your local duck pond and feed the ducks. That way you won't eat the bread. You eat them.
  Laura Knutson [18 Nov 2003]
• If the chocolate bar says it contains 2 grams of fat, cut off 2 grams of the bar.
  Sarah C [16 Dec 2003]
• Since a calorie is a measure of heat, only eat ice cream and cold pizza.
  scott quick [18 Dec 2003]
• Liposuction - It takes a lot out of you.
  Kegs Richardson [23 Dec 2003]
• Fat Free - 3,000 calorie cake. Its fat free don't worry it won't gain any weight.
  Richard Cyphergt [10 Feb 2004]
• To get a nice firm stomach put a net around your self and let kids jump on you.
  Some Bozo [24 May 2004]
• A chainsw, coupled with a large amount of painkiller, can do wonders for your weight
  wouldnt you like to know [17 Dec 2004]
• To make your face young and firm, keep moving it. Eating gives your whole face a great workout!
  Isaac ...Mhmm [17 Dec 2004]
• To make life easier for yourself, lay on the sofa and stretch your fingers by changing the channel on the remote.
  sarah eastment [28 Jan 2005]
• Buy a new TV. Your fingers will get a lot of exercise trying to work how the new remote works.
  Jordan Eva [22 May 2005]
• Tonsil Tennis is the best game to play. it exercises your tongue.
  Some Bozo [31 May 2005]
• Try to trick yourself that you're eating healthily. For example, look at cool whip n' peanut butter! Cool whip is made from milk which has calcium, and peanut butter is made from peanuts which have protein! Therefore this is quite a healthy snack!
  AgaJillian PaigeKalina [5 Jun 2005]
• We weigh a third less on the moon, so move to the moon. Simple!
  Anthony cooke [10 Jun 2005]
• Eat half of the food and reward your self with double the helping
  jak pow [6 Jul 2005]
• While watching tv, place your nachos a little out of reach, so that the more you eat, the more excercise you get.
  no comment no comment [26 Jul 2005]
• Get up of the couch and walk to the grocery store to buy slim fast.
  justin detweiler [10 Sep 2005]
• eat a 'Supermodel' everyday. The amount of Cocaine in their system will have the same slimming effect on you that it has on them, AND CHEAPER TOO !
  Annmarie Guthrie [28 Sep 2005]
• Surfers have such great bodies because it's excellent exercise. So surf the Internet more.
  Vaughn [22 Oct 2005]
• if you cut something in half it has half the calories... ...so you can have twice as much
  james Burgess [21 Nov 2005]
• Make fun of the skinny people and watch them cry. You get such good abs from laughing.
  Ellie O'C [27 Dec 2005]
• Don't buy any food, because then you could just live off your fat till it's all gone. Plus you can save money
  Fran Barb [22 Feb 2006]
• Having troubles taking a piss? Just lift up your gut and tuck it under your chin as you would a t-shirt. Problem solved!
  Peter Phil [31 Mar 2006]
• Eat salad with your fries... they cancel each other out!!
  Sweet Angel [21 Mar 2007]
• When doing press-ups lie on your back. It's a lot less strenuous, and if you do get tired then you are already in a position to sleep
  Charlie Holton [22 Apr 2007]

What Are Your Exercise Tips?

Do you have an exercise for the fit and lazy?