Election ‘98: The Candidates Speak

It’s election time. Australia is in the middle of a political orgy which most people don’t want to be part of.

It’s not that people don’t care; it’s just the election is so BORING!

This is what we’d like to hear the major parties leaders say to spice it up a little.

We want to hear John Howard say:

• We failed on aged care and health. We stuffed up on unemployment. So we thought “What the hell, we can’t do any worse, let’s try a GST.”
• I would have forced Miss Lewinsky to swallow, then burned her dress
• GST is as crap as a large bucket full of crap, times eight.
• I want to go bald with style. As of now, I stop the swoop. It’s not fooling anyone anyway.
• This is a core promise: from now on, I will cease to make non-core promises.
• A vote for me is a vote for Peter Costello.

We want to hear Kim Beazley say:

• Marijuana? Whatever you do, don’t inhale.
• Food? Whatever you do, don’t inhale.
• I would have barbequed Miss Lewinsky then swallowed her dress. I get hungry, you know.
• I vow to make Jenny Craig GST free.
• Ten years ago, I liked GST, but things were different then; the Liberals were opposed.

You’ll see we’ve ignored One Nation. We only want major leaders, not major fruit cakes.

Tags > 1998, australia, Beazley, comment, election, federal, Howard, john howard, Kim Beazley

Election ‘98: The Candidates Speak