Computer Viruses We Want To See

Britney Spears worm - takes over your CD drive, and refuses to play your Avril Lavigne CDs.

Computer Viruses You'd Like To Get

• Premature Ejaculation virus - Every time your man turns on his computer, it purges.
  scott quick [25 Aug 2003]
• Murphys Law Worm - "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong" This worm usually fails to work.
  HpN [26 Aug 2003]
• Comic Book Virus - Random windows appear saying stuff like "CRASH" "BANG" and "ZOOMZAM!"
  HpN [26 Aug 2003]
• Tvradiopopculture virus - Your computer loses the ability to create anything new and distinct.
  J W [26 Aug 2003]
• Porn Virus - You keep on downloading porn, and when your parents finally catch you, you blame it on a trojan horse.
  Ben [26 Aug 2003]
• The Arsenal Football Club virus - It deletes all your files while sending you messages moaning and complaining that the files were against them.
  linda southern [26 Aug 2003]
• Headache virus - Every time you try to put in a disk, it tells you it has a headache and rolls over.
  MaJeff Magle [26 Aug 2003]
• Tony Blair virus - Same as the George Bush virus, but with bigger ears.
  ben Luke [26 Aug 2003]
• PMS virus - The computer boot up screen says "Leave me alone and go out and get me some chocolate."
  Key Key Fitz [26 Aug 2003]
• Taxicab Virus - Makes all your files come out in any language except English.
  ChatRat [27 Aug 2003]
• Sassoon Virus. All the content on your hard drive is converted to meaningless and depressing poetry.
  ChatRat [27 Aug 2003]
• SoGood Virus. The alternative to SoBig and 99% FAT32 free.
  ChatRat [27 Aug 2003]
• Cops Virus - Makes every page you go to come out with a really bad voice over.
  ChatRat [27 Aug 2003]
• CharltonHeston Virus - Detects any non-American files and deletes them.
  ChatRat [27 Aug 2003]
• SoggyBiscuit Virus - It gathers its mates around your cookies and makes them unrecognisable
  ChatRat [27 Aug 2003]
• GoShop virus - Hooks into your fridge and orders milk and frozen pizzas via your internet connection
  ChatRat [27 Aug 2003]
• CIA Virus - Your computer has a virus, but it can't tell you where it is, what it's doing, how much it will cost to repair, but continually displays messages that it's looking after your best interests while it f*cks you.
  ChatRat [27 Aug 2003]
• Anorexic virus - Whenerver you put in a floppy disk/CD your computer will shoot it out at the nearest toilet/garbage can.
  Nick Fatious [28 Aug 2003]
• Teenager Virus - Every time you try to do anything, a message pops up saying "I'll do it later."
  ChatRat [28 Aug 2003]
• Catholic Virus - It marries one of your dll files before reproducing itself as many times as it possibly can.
  ChatRat [28 Aug 2003]
• Marijuana virus - Makes your machine giggle incessantly while you try to do serious work.
  ChatRat [28 Aug 2003]
• Marijuana2 Virus - Makes your computer eat your floppy disks and anything else it can find at 3 in the morning.
  ChatRat [28 Aug 2003]
• Marijuana3 virus - Makes your computer forget where your most important files are kept and makes a pigsty of your registry
  ChatRat [28 Aug 2003]
• The Waiting For A Bus In Dublin virus - You wait years to see this virus, then two come along at the same time, or the viruses are cancelled.
  Linda irishmanufan [28 Aug 2003]
• Barney Virus - A dancing, singing, purple dinosaur appears on the computer screen, causing the user to destroy anything just to make the torture stop
  Lost Soul [28 Aug 2003]
• Osama Virus - No anti-virus software is able to find it.
  Lost Soul [28 Aug 2003]
• Tyson Virus - Will take a byte out of another program
  Lost Soul [28 Aug 2003]
• Michael Jackson's Baby Virus - May hang at any time, caused by parent software.
  Kurt Richardson [31 Aug 2003]
• Winston Churchill virus - Your computer gets so inspired it actually grows legs and runs off to fight on the beaches.
  HpN [1 Sep 2003]
• p diddy virus - Suddenly your computer's covered in bling bling and sippin' cristal with a bimbo each side
  cheeky chick [3 Sep 2003]
• J Lo virus - Your PC wont perform until the room is white, with white lilies, sofas, and mineral water at room temperature is available. Everytime you ask it to do somthing, it says "Speak to my agent."
  cheeky chick [3 Sep 2003]
• GeorgeW Virus - A virus that attacks your spell checker and changes "prosecute" automatically to "persecute".
  Daniel Bat Dan [4 Sep 2003]
• Chelsea FC virus - Headhunts all your good files and delets all the other ones.
  Linda Irishmanufan [8 Sep 2003]
• Canine virus - Takes your most used documents and 'buries' them somewhere on the hard drive so you can never find them
  Foxie San [9 Sep 2003]
• Dr Suess Virus - extends your computer's spell-check to include words like "snozzle", "dinkwater" and "hoozle-valve".
  brian vo [9 Sep 2003]
• Taxation virus - Notifies the taxation department of all your online accounts, gambling and purchasing
  Dysfunctional [15 Sep 2003]
• The Rock virus - Whenever your computer turns on, you're bombarded with phrases that dont make sense and terrible acting
  Doofman [17 Sep 2003]
• Ironic Virus - Invades your system, doesn't do anything.
  GerbilJoy Keeper Of The Gerbils [24 Sep 2003]
• Tourette's Virus - Your computer types random curse words for no apparent reason.
  Nick Fatious [26 Sep 2003]
• Snoop-Doggy-Dog virus - Yo! Homie! Your computer's gonna' spit out obnoxious, mindless words like" telefizzle" and phrases like "you know what I'm sayin'" after every other sentence! The only way to get rid of this virus is to move to Utah, USA. Or sell your computer, motherfucker!
  scott quick [16 Oct 2003]
• Teenager2 Virus - This virus doesnt become active on your system until after 2pm. It renames your hard drive "the refrigerator" and proceeds to consume the contents at an alarming rate. There is no cure for this virus as it hangs around your system for 7 years then dissappears, only to return periodically to clean out your "refigerator"
  Bonesy Maawaaka [4 Nov 2003]
• Pauline Hanson Virus - Makes all the text and backgrounds on your computer white, and refuses to allow you access to foreign and Aboriginal websites. Not that you can read them anyway. It causes you to think "Please explain"
  Chicko Roll [16 Nov 2003]
• MugabeWorm - Evicts the Pauline Hanson Virus and makes everything black.
  Chicko Roll [16 Nov 2003]
• Lottery virus - Keeps adding money to your bank account without taking tax off
  marc dennis [30 Nov 2003]
• Taxman virus - Comes attatched with the Lottrey virus and reports your tax evasion to the authorities
  marc dennis [30 Nov 2003]
• Ahnuld Virus - Your computer says "Hasta la vista, Baby!" and nukes a random town when you turn it on, runs for Govenor of California, and insists that it'll be back whenever you turn it off.
  XandertheMighty [5 Dec 2003]
• Oprah Winfrey Virus - Shrinks your HDD to 100MB then slowly enlarges to it's orginal size.
  TiAmos [7 Jan 2004]
• Linux Virus - A virus that pretends to be an operating system, but makes your hardware 100% incompatible
  Ryan KnuxTE [14 Jan 2004]
• Car Key virus - Every time you try to open a file it changes the name and moves it to a random folder so you can never find it.
  rumour [11 Feb 2004]
• Masturbation virus - Every time you log on it shoots out a vibrator.
  Some Bozo [16 Feb 2004]
• Saddam Hussein Virus - Trains your hard disk to be a Weapon of Mass Destruction for your own files.
  Henry Indra [5 Mar 2004]
• AnnaNicoleSmith virus - Gets on your hard drive and eats.... and eats... and eats.
  jacob jacob [17 Apr 2004]
• Beer Virus - Gets large amounts of beer delivered to your house via online shopping so it can get you pissed and listen to your lame jokes as you talk on msn messenger.
  James Brown [5 May 2004]
• Right-To-Life virus - Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
  TIL8472 [17 May 2004]
• Elvis virus - Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
  TIL8472 [17 May 2004]
• Oliver North virus - Turns your printer into a document shredder.
  TIL8472 [17 May 2004]
• Health Care virus - Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
  TIL8472 [17 May 2004]
• Star Trek virus - Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
  TIL8472 [17 May 2004]
• AT&T virus - Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
  TIL8472 [17 May 2004]
• Politically Correct virus - Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
  TIL8472 [17 May 2004]
• Texas virus - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
  TIL8472 [17 May 2004]
• Gallup Poll virus - Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
  TIL8472 [17 May 2004]
• Christopher Skase virus - Takes all your data and moves it to Spain.
  TIL8472 [18 May 2004]
• Impotence Virus - Say goodbye to your hard drive.
  THE Xi [15 Jun 2004]
• Jerry Springer virus - Turns your computer in a drunken redneck, marries your mother, dumps her because it's in love with your dog and eventually your computer claims to be your long lost brother but nevertheless wants to be your sexslave. It also swears alot but everytime a loud beep covers it up. When you shutdown your computer, it closes with a final thought.
  Robert R [26 Jul 2004]
• Toddler Virus - Rummages through your entire file system, spilling the contents of each file all over the floor then smiles at you with beguiling eyes and jam covered cheeks.
  Dubm Blonde [2 Aug 2004]
• Period Virus - Only comes once a month, can't be stopped, and seems to annoy the hell of you no matter how much you try to ignore it.
  Wilse [6 Aug 2004]
• Girlfriend virus - Gives you "constructive critisism" whenever you press undo. It never knows exactly what it wants so as soon as you finish doing what it asks it changes its mind and you have to do its new request
  Kevin Cluff [23 Sep 2004]
• The Pro-Choice Virus - Whenever you want start a download your computer informs you about the opportunity of aborting, if you feel too young too take the responsibility for a little download.
  Jabba the slut [24 Jan 2005]
• Guilty Conscience Virus - Downloads spyware, adware, porn and other viruses, then feels ashamed of what it has done and deletes them.
  CHE GUEVARA [10 Feb 2005]
• Gorskys Virus - Virus that never lets you leave this website... and is being downloaded into your computer as we speak. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (cough cough, evil laughter burns)
  Jerm (i still hate the lysol) [15 Mar 2005]
• Wife Anti-Virus program - Pops up when there's a virus, but wont tell you what it is, because if you had been listening, you would already know.
  KaS [3 May 2005]
• Pack Rat virus - Whenever you try to delete a file it saves it somewhere else on your drive (in case you might need it later).
  uniXbomber [18 May 2005]
• Waiting For A Bus In Sydney virus - Much like the Dublin strain, except with a longer waiting time and more virii at the end!
  James D [20 May 2005]
• T-virus - Makes you a nice cup of tea.
  martin scarbrough [24 Jun 2005]
• Porn virus - Automatically updates your collection.
  martin scarbrough [24 Jun 2005]
• Love and peace virus - Spreads hippy sh*t through all your files
  martin scarbrough [24 Jun 2005]
• Arnold Virus - Sets all instant messenger statuses to "I'll be back"
  Magic Man [18 Jul 2005]
• On Time Virus - Causes all British trains to actually come on time therefore causing you to miss it
  Possom [21 Jul 2005]
• PUSSY VIRUS OK, where's the bloody mouse gone?
  mantelbrott set [30 Jul 2005]
• Doggie virus Dismantles pussy virus, limb by limb.
  mantelbrott set [30 Jul 2005]
• Ratsack virus - Smokes your mouse
  mantelbrott set [30 Jul 2005]
• MILF VIRUS OK, now your motherboard's fucked! (sorry, that was way rude)
  mantelbrott set [30 Jul 2005]
• Vizard virus. Marries your computer-in-law, does a few sloppy insider trading E-deals and ends up doing three to five on the Renee Rifkin memorial Long Bay fuckarwie meditation rug.
  mantelbrott set [13 Aug 2005]
• The New York Virus - Never turns off
  I LOVE GEEKS!! muahaha [24 Aug 2005]
• Howard stern virus-sends racy and lewd e-mails to your mom, your spiritual leader and everyone you know.
  Potato potato [27 Aug 2005]
• the paris hilton virus- everything on your screen comes up in night vision
  melissa jeffrey [18 Sep 2005]
• The anti-virus girlfriend program. - You never know when you have a virus because your anti-virus software never shuts up about how it looks and how hard its day is just talking about things it says it will do or wants to do but never does(like catching viruses)
  de2ec cddcssd [31 May 2007]
• The anti-virus girlfriend program - You never know when you have a virus because your anti-virus software never shuts up about how it looks and how hard its day is just talking about things it says it will do or wants to do but never does (like catching viruses).
  de2ec cddcssd [31 May 2007]
• Deodorant Virus: Causes Your Computer To Grow Arms, Steal Your Deodorant, and Constantly Remind You On How Is It Smelling.
  Punky Joe [1 Feb 2008]

What Computer Viruses Would You Like To See

There's got to be some viruses you wouldn't mind your PC getting. Tell us what they are, and if they're funny enough, we'll add them to GORSKYS.COMedy.