Coffee Is Better Than Sex

October 1st, 2002

coffee pot Coffee Is Better Than Sex

No one ever complains that your coffee equipment is too big.

We all know that “coffee” is the big dating double entendre.

“Would you like to come in for coffee?” ain’t the same as “would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?”

Many people think they’re in interchangeable, but they’re wrong.

“A cup of coffee” means a cup of coffee. “Coffee” means sex.

This month, we look at reasons why a cup of coffee is better than an offer of sex.

  • A long black coffee is in fact long and black.
  • A capuccino is a guarantee of good head.
  • Coffee keeps you up all night. Sex makes you sleep.
  • You can always start the day with good coffee.
  • Coffee doesn’t leave hairs in your teeth.
  • Coffee always goes down smoothly.
  • Drinking coffee on your own doesn’t make you feel like a sad loser. Sex on you own does.
  • You don’t get into trouble for having coffee in front of your parents.
  • Spliing coffee in your bed leaves a wet patch, but you hardly ever spill it. There’s always a wet patch after sex.
  • You can have great coffee with your sister.
  • There’s no moral or ethical dilemma in paying for coffee.
  • Coffee tastes great.
  • A cup of coffee never complains if you want another. Sexual partners do.
  • No one calls you weird for wanting your coffee with milk. Combining sex and milk is an official fetish.
  • It’s forbidden to covet your neighbour’s ass, but the Bible doesn’t mention his coffee.
  • You can make coffee last as long as you want.
  • Cofffee doesn’t smell bad in the morning.
  • It’s OK for semen to taste of coffee. It’s not OK for coffee to taste like semen.
  • It is possible to drink a cup of coffee even when you’re really tanked.

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Coffee Is Better Than Sex

Your Reasons

  1. You cant get pregnant drinking coffee.

    Current score: 0

    hmmmm [06/01/2003]

  2. Coffee will never come home at 1 a.m. and say they had a late night at the office

    Current score: 0

    Tein* [06/01/2003]

  3. Nobody thinks you’re pervert, if you have cofee 3 times with different people during one afternoon. What’s more – you could have your coffee with several people of both sexes at the same time … and it’s quite ok.

    Current score: 0

    Dom [06/01/2003]

  4. Your coffee doesn’t whine on about needing a cuddle after you’ve drank it.

    Current score: 0

    Gordy Clarke [06/01/2003]

  5. You can always have cofee. you can’t always have sex.

    Current score: 0

    zaza sprinkles [06/01/2003]

  6. You can light up a cigarette halfway through a coffee

    Current score: 0

    Andrew Brisbane [06/01/2003]

  7. The checkout chicks at the supermarket never give you ‘that look’ when your buying coffee.

    Current score: 1

    Andrew Brisbane [06/01/2003]

  8. The whole neighbourhood can have coffee together without getting called a sick cult.

    Current score: 0

    Andrew Brisbane [06/01/2003]

  9. You can make a coffee for your co-worker without fear of charges being layed.

    Current score: 0

    Andrew Brisbane [06/01/2003]

  10. When your done, it takes less than a minute to make another coffee no matter what mood your in.

    Current score: 0

    Andrew Brisbane [06/01/2003]

  11. You can have 3 coffees in a row without getting tired!

    Current score: 0

    Dan & Jax [06/01/2003]

  12. Coffee never seems to have a headache.

    Current score: 0

    Andrew Brisbane [06/01/2003]

  13. You don’t need to wear something when you drink cofee and cofee doesn’t need to have some pills before drinked….

    Current score: 0

    Inervin [06/01/2003]

  14. A coffee will never leave you for a better drinker.

    Current score: 0

    Qwerty [06/01/2003]

  15. You don’t get in trouble for having cold coffee.

    Current score: 0

    Dean [06/01/2003]

  16. Your usual instant capuccino won’t feel hurt when you go out and order a hot Guatemalan coffee instead.

    Current score: 0

    delusionsofgrandeur [06/01/2003]

  17. You won’t feel wierd if you have coffee with a man.

    Current score: 0

    Andrew Vuono [06/01/2003]

  18. Coffee comes in different flavours!

    Current score: 0

    meru [06/01/2003]

  19. White coffee is better than black coffee.

    Current score: 0

    Powerpunka [06/01/2003]

  20. A cup of coffee dosn’t get mad if you drink from another cup.

    Current score: 0

    Powerpunka [06/01/2003]

  21. You can eat sammiches or other delightful treats while you have your coffee. but you can not do such luxeries while having sex.

    Current score: 0

    Barrett Cool [06/01/2003]

  22. With 99 cents you can have a never ending pot of coffee; with sex how much can you get with 99 cents?

    Current score: 0

    Jeska [06/01/2003]

  23. You dont get sneered at for being addicted to caffeine.

    Current score: 0

    Ironic Joy (I’m depressed) [06/01/2003]

  24. If you have had enough coffee you can always re-heat it. You cant walk away from the middle of sex and come back to it later to "re-heat" it.

    Current score: 0

    alex [06/01/2003]

  25. If you’re addicted to coffee you dont have to see a doctor; if you’re addicted to sex you do.

    Current score: 0

    richie [06/01/2003]

  26. In the morning, if you are in the mood for a black coffe or one with extra cream and sugar you’ll drink it and no one will suspect anything… coffee will always suit your preferences.

    Current score: 0

    olivia panciu [06/01/2003]

  27. You don’t get in trouble for asking your secretary for a cup of coffee.

    Current score: 0

    docdude316 [06/01/2003]

  28. If your girlfirend refuses to get you a cup of coffee you can get some for yourself. If your girlfriend refuses sex there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.

    Current score: 0

    docdude316 [06/01/2003]

  29. Coffee doesnt care how many other cups you have had before.

    Current score: 0

    Scottie Musgrove [06/01/2003]

  30. If coffee is hot, it burns your throat.
    If sex burns your throat, you have a problem.

    Current score: 0

    Harry N. Payme [06/01/2003]

What Are Your Reasons?

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