Katie Holmes' book 'How To Meet Mr. Right (If Mr. Right is a Psychopathic Dwarf-Man)' is one to be avoided at all costs.
When the Lynn Spears (mother of out-of-control popstar Britney Spears and knocked-up teenager Jamie Lynn Spears) revealed she was writing a book on parenting, the irony was lost on no-one.
No kidding. Not even Alanis Morisette could have got this one wrong.
Books are obviously a great way to cash in on yours or someone else’s fame, but, as my English teacher always told me, “write what you know”. Sadly, when I was 16, I knew very little, and failed English. But at least I knew that I didn’t know anything.
You wouldn’t read Osama Bin Laden’s International Diplomacy for Dummies, or thumb the pages of George W. Bush’s Comprehensive English Grammar Omnibus. Nor would you, whilst in the waiting room of the gastroenterologist, absentmindedly flip through Steven Seagal’s How To Be A Great Actor. Or maybe you would, just for a laugh before being probed.
Which led us here at GORSKYS.COMedy to investigate other books you should probably avoid.
(Biographical links provided by s9.com – the biographical dictionary)
- The ‘Tastes Like Chicken’ Cook Book by Hannibal Lecter, with a foreword by Jeffrey Dahmer.
- A Prequel Too Far by George Lucas.
- 20 Great Things To Abuse When You’re Drunk by Mel Gibson.
- Phone-Kwan-Do: Self Defence for the Telecommunications Age by Russel Crowe.
- Underexposed: Bits of Paris Hilton You Haven’t Seen Yet by Paris Hilton – A photobiography using the latest in internal photography techniques.
- I Love Lindsay Lohan by Lindsay Lohan; foreword by Lindsay Lohan.
- The Complete Atlas Of U.S. America And Such And Other Countries Such As South Africa And Iraq (With Maps And Such) by Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South California 2007.
- How To Spot A Religious Nut by Tom Cruise.
- You’re Not Beautiful Unless You Can Count Your Ribs: The Olsen Diet by Mary-Kate Olsen.
- Any Publicity is Good Publicity by Wayne Carey.
- White Boys Can Rap by KFed; fore-rap by Vanilla Ice.
- Knowing When To Let Go by John Howard (The sequel to Knowing When to Say ‘Sorry’).
- Knowing When To Shut Up by Peter Costello.
- DIY Costume Design by Janet Jackson.
- I Won’t Stop Until I Own Everything by Rupert Murdoch.
Why I Am Hated: A Complete Guide To Why You Are Not Loved By Anybody (This Includes Your Mom)
“Marriage and Fidelity” by Shane Warne, Bill Clinton & Jack Nicholson. Foreword Woody Allen.
“Who Let Off The B.O.M (Boring Old Men)” – A collection of rip roaring speeches given after major sporting events by Boring Old Men by virtue of the fact they are the CEO’s of the major sponsor. Great bed time reading, if you want to get to sleep really quick.
“Why Whiskey And Marijuana Are Good For You” By Willie Nelson
"Why Macintosh Are THe Best" By Bill Gates
“Fashion Tips For Weddings” by Marilyn Manson.
"How To Get People To Take You Seriously" By Weird "Al" Yankovic.
“How To Write A Hymn Or Song Of Praise” By Kevin Bloody Wilson
“35 ways to manage your mental illness” by Martin Bryant.
Drive Safe – A learners guide to the road rules by Paris Hilton
The complete guide to modern medecines and their correct dosages by Heath Ledger.
The Keys To A Successful Marriage by Elizabeth Taylor
69 Childhood Games Just Before Bed by Michael Jackson
How To Beat The Bottle with David Hasselhoff
The Art of Male Grooming by Donald Trump
“Questions Don’t Elude Me Anymore – A Biography of the Man Who Thought The Gorskys Advice Column Was Serious and Became A Billionnaire By Inventing the Perfect Question Generator” by Ryan The Great. Includes footnotes on Pascal programming and high school computing classes.
“An Idiot’s Guide to Satire” by Wil Anderson.
“Taking it on the chin.” by Mark Latham. A guide to accepting defeat graciously and developing loyalty. Now includes the bonus chapter “How to cut your own hair.”
“Living clean” by Ben Cousins.
“Home Hair Styling” by Britany Spears
“How to be a good mother” by Britany Spears
“How To Speak English Good” By G. W. Bush
"How to win Elections" By Dick Cheney
Chompy EarSteaks by Mike Tyson
Heavy Weight Chomp By Mike Tyson
Chompy 1 by Mike Tyson
Chompy 11 by Mike Tyson