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Books You Should Not Read Before You Die

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise look weird.

Katie Holmes' book ''How To Meet Mr. Right (If Mr. Right is a Psychopathic Dwarf-Man)'' is one book to be avoided at all costs.

When the Lynn Spears (mother of out-of-control popstar Britney Spears and knocked-up teenager Jamie Lynn Spears) revealed she was writing a book on parenting, the irony was lost on no-one.

No kidding. Not even Alanis Morisette could have got this one wrong.

Books are obviously a great way to cash in on yours or someone elses fame but as my English teacher always told me “write what you know”. Sadly when I was 16, I knew very little, and failed English. But at least I knew that I didn’t know anything.

You wouldn’t read Osama Bin Laden’s “International Diplomacy for Dummies”, or thumb the pages of George W. Bush’s Comprehensive English Grammar Omnibus”. Nor would you, whilst in the waiting room of the gastroenterologist, absent-mindedly flip through Steven Seagal’s “How To Be A Great Actor”. Or maybe you would, just for a laugh before being probed.

Which led us here at GORSKYS.COMedy to investigate other books you should probably avoid.

(Biographical links provided by s9.com - the biographical dictionary)

  • "The ‘Tastes Like Chicken’ Cook Book” by Hannibal Lechter with a foreword by Jeffrey Dahmer.
  • “A Prequel Too Far” by George Lucas.
  • “20 Great Things To Abuse When You’re Drunk” by Mel Gibson.
  • “Phone-Kwan-Do – Self Defence for the Telecommunications Age” by Russel Crowe.
  • “Underexposed – Bits of Paris Hilton You Haven’t Seen Yet” by Paris Hilton – A photobiography using the latest in internal photography techniques.
  • “I Love Lindsay Lohan” by Lindsay Lohan foreword by Lindsay Lohan.
  • “The complete atlas of US America and such and other countries such as South Africa and Iraq (with maps and such)” by Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South California 2007.
  • “How To Spot A Religious Nut” by Tom Cruise.
  • “You’re Not Beautiful Unless You Can Count Your Ribs - The Olsen Diet” by Mary-Kate Olsen.
  • “Any Publicity is Good Publicity” by Wayne Carey.
  • “White Boys Can Rap” by KFed, fore-rap by Vanilla Ice.
  • “Knowing when to let go” by John Howard (The sequel to "Knowing When to Say Sorry").
  • “Knowing when to shutup” by Peter Costello.
  • “DIY Costume Design” by Janet Jackson.
  • “I Won’t Stop Until I Own Everything” by Rupert Murdoch.

Your books to avoid...

  • Why I Am Hated: A Complete Guide To Why You Are Not Loved By Anybody (This Includes Your Mom)
    Punky Joe [4 Feb 2008]
  • "Marriage and Fidelity" by Shane Warne, Bill Clinton & Jack Nicholson. Foreword Woody Allen.
    martin hearn [4 Feb 2008]
  • "Who Let Off The B.O.M (Boring Old Men)" - A collection of rip roaring speeches given after major sporting events by Boring Old Men by virtue of the fact they are the CEO's of the major sponsor. Great bed time reading, if you want to get to sleep really quick.
    martin hearn [4 Feb 2008]
  • "Why Whiskey And Marijuana Are Good For You" By Willie Nelson
    Wee Mad [5 Feb 2008]
  • "Why Macintosh Are THe Best" By Bill Gates
    Wee Mad [5 Feb 2008]
  • "Fashion Tips For Weddings" by Marilyn Manson.
    Wee Mad [5 Feb 2008]
  • "How To Get People To Take You Seriously" By Weird "Al" Yankovic.
    Wee Mad [5 Feb 2008]
  • "How To Write A Hymn Or Song Of Praise" By Kevin Bloody Wilson
    Wee Mad [5 Feb 2008]
  • "35 ways to manage your mental illness" by Martin Bryant.
    alan kaider [6 Feb 2008]
  • Drive Safe - A learners guide to the road rules by Paris Hilton
    Robyn McGregor [12 Feb 2008]
  • The complete guide to modern medecines and their correct dosages by Heath Ledger.
    Robyn McGregor [12 Feb 2008]
  • The Keys To A Successful Marriage by Elizabeth Taylor
    Patrick Coyle [15 Feb 2008]
  • 69 Childhood Games Just Before Bed by Michael Jackson
    Patrick Coyle [15 Feb 2008]
  • How To Beat The Bottle with David Hasselhoff
    Patrick Coyle [15 Feb 2008]
  • The Art of Male Grooming by Donald Trump
    Patrick Coyle [15 Feb 2008]
  • "Questions Don't Elude Me Anymore - A Biography of the Man Who Thought The Gorskys Advice Column Was Serious and Became A Billionnaire By Inventing the Perfect Question Generator" by Ryan The Great. Includes footnotes on Pascal programming and high school computing classes.
    Ryan The Great [20 Feb 2008]
  • "An Idiot's Guide to Satire" by Wil Anderson.
    Mark Woodward [21 Feb 2008]
  • "Taking it on the chin." by Mark Latham. A guide to accepting defeat graciously and developing loyalty. Now includes the bonus chapter "How to cut your own hair."
    alan kaider [23 Feb 2008]
  • "Living clean" by Ben Cousins.
    alan kaider [23 Feb 2008]
  • "Home Hair Styling" by Britany Spears
    martin scarbrough [4 Apr 2008]
  • "How to be a good mother" by Britany Spears
    martin scarbrough [4 Apr 2008]
  • "How To Speak English Good" By G. W. Bush
    CozB [18 Apr 2008]
  • Chompy EarSteaks by Mike Tyson Heavy Weight Chomp By Mike Tyson Chompy 1 by Mike Tyson Chompy 11 by Mike Tyson
    femi dada [21 Aug 2008]

What books do you recommend not to read

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February 2008


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