Body Bits Doctors Won't Tell You About

Liam puts on some glasses and a white coat to look like he's a medical expert on the carrot gland.

Recent Discoveries

• Gen-e X - discovered only in people born in the 60s and 70s)- allows body to enjoy crap TV shows and related fashions from bygone eras by raising the body's irony levels to previously unseen heights.
  Grover Montage [5 Jan 2003]
• Shithead lymph - When active, releases chemical signals to the brain ordering the bearer to inform how great they are to everyone they see.
  Jason Nezbit [5 Jan 2003]
• Local Anesthetic Gland - Makes various body parts go numb and feel little prickly spiny things when you're relaxing
  Nathan Randall [5 Jan 2003]
• Urgency Shield Neurone - Part of the brain that stops you from getting any serious work done on a pressing task until the final 24 hours before it is due.
  Matt Parker [5 Jan 2003]
• Lazyboy Gland - Located in the lower buttocks, it causes one to sit in front of the tv and watch whatever seems to be on, including reruns of cheesy family shows like 'Full House', and 'The Brady Bunch', along with several other bad cancelled television shows... Beware, stimulation of this gland can later cause growth of the buttocks, giving one a new nickname of 'Lazy Fat Ass'.
  Genevieve Perrault [5 Jan 2003]
• Rectal Cranium - small auxillary head found rammed deep into the arse of Channel Nine program executives, One Nation party members and John Howard.
  Grover Montage [5 Jan 2003]
• Last Word Prediction Neuron - - part of the brain that seems to sense exactly when a room full of people all chatting noisily will suddenly and simultanequsly stop talking just as you are loudly explaining the proceedure you recently underwent to have a scrotum boil lanced.
  Jamie Forbes [5 Jan 2003]
• "Why am I so fat?" Gland - located at the back of the eyes. Operates whenever you look in a mirror, to distort the lens and make your body appear huge. First appeared only in females, it has since spread to both sexes.
  Ron Bingham [5 Jan 2003]
• Penile Retention Valve - lso known as "Save The Last Dance For Pee") - Tiny valve of flesh located just within the head of the penis, seemingly with a mind of its own (much like the penis itself seems to have a mind of its own, converesely without having a brain of its own). This valve closes upon cessastion of urine flow, cunningly waiting out all attempts to rid the organ of unwanted and unsightly droplets. The valve then opens immediately upon the penis being safely returned to the confines of the trouser, releasing a small resevoir of urine for no apparent reason other than the discomfort of said penis owner and the mocking delight of others (most often non-penis owners, or those who are only renting for the evening).
  Jamie Forbes [5 Jan 2003]
• "My hair will return this is just a phase" neuron - Automatic reflex caused by seeing shiny bits on top of head.
  David Galbraith [5 Jan 2003]
• Gland of Hope and Glory - secretes irrational optimism in the face of overdue assignments, and loss of job/hair/erection
  brian vo [5 Jan 2003]
• Internal Alcohol Meter - llows the body to discern exactly when it's had enough to drink (note- incapacitated by presence of alcohol).
  Grover Montage [5 Jan 2003]
• Hypothalamus analus interruptus - that part of a guys brain that activates when he's intoxicated and makes him believe that the woman he's rooting won't even notice if he tries to bonk her up the bum.
  C Funt [5 Jan 2003]
• Anal Optic Nerve - - runs down the length of the body and connects the eye ball with the anus. Responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life. To test for the presence, pluck a hair from your arse and see if it brings a tear to your eye.
  Rod Wilkinson [5 Jan 2003]
• Greater Bitch Gland - This gland is activated when the owner of the gland does not get his/her way. Upon release of the hormones, severe bitching is induced and can only be satiated when they get their way. Bitching causes severe irritation and headaches to bystanders.
  Professor Jeeves [5 Jan 2003]
• "I Can Do It Myself" Gland - found mainly in males. Causes one to believe they can save money by completing a project on their own, even without the slightest bit of experience. Effect magnified by rising prices of plumbers, mechanics, and electricians and the growing number of Do-It-Yourself stores across the country.
  Joshua Martinez [5 Jan 2003]
• Benzole Depleting Capillaries - Found throughout the body of the male Homo Sapiens. Main action seems to be the depletion of all available power sources in automobiles, at very "inconvenient" times and even more remote places. Strangely enough, the presence of a female acts as a catalyst.
  Daffy [5 Jan 2003]
• Excuse Neuron - Causes random excuses to be put forth by the owner. These excuses do not work most of the time, an example being the "I didn't know she was underage" excuse. May cause extreme social and emotional problems if used too often. The already useless excuses are further dulled by the presence of alcohol or THC, and at times the owner may be reduced to gibberish.
  Professor Jeeves [5 Jan 2003]
• Spending gland - Activated whenever shopping. This behind the eyes gland is working in all stores so that when you see something NEW and GREAT and FUN you have to buy it. The more expensive and shitty the item is, the harder this gland works. Also works in dressing rooms, making something look really great in the store and then when taken home it looks like shit on you. Larger in females than males.
  Juliana [5 Jan 2003]
• Farting Strings - Stings located just inside the anus which vibrate during fart emissions creating the musical note. High pitched farts are the result of the strings being too tightly tuned and low pitched farts are the result of slack farting strings. Over exhuberant farting can also damage or even snap the farting stings, this can only be fixed by a highly trained farting string tuner.
  Rob Stott [5 Jan 2003]
• Romantic Aroma Gland - cause the release of a romantic aroma from the anal region when in romantic mood. eg: first date etc
  Paul Wolfe [5 Jan 2003]
• Coital Muscular Syndrome - Causes strange and often frightening faces to be pulled immediately prior to coital climax.
  Paul Wolfe [5 Jan 2003]
• The Grease Gland - causes imense amounts of grease to be deposited into the hair also producing heavy, blizzard-like dandruff.
  James McAteer [5 Jan 2003]
• Projectile Toe Nail Muscle - causes toe nails to be proppelled at high velocity when company is in the room during clipping.
  Paul Wolfe [5 Jan 2003]
• Sphincter Blowback Muscle - The valve-type muscle within the sphincter which prevents massive internal explosion when intoxicated campfire-mates attempt to light their own farts
  Patrick Atherton [5 Jan 2003]
• Alchobreath Gland - Situated at the back of the mouth, this gland secretes just-over-the-legal-amount of alchohol into each exhalation of air from the lungs (whether you've been drinking or not). Activated when a policeman says "Just blow into this please sir...."
  Kevin L [5 Jan 2003]
• Foot-in-mouth Gland - located near pituatary gland, causes the person to say something incredibly stupid, usually activated in puberty and stays activated forever.
  Mike Hunt [5 Jan 2003]
• Grumbling Granny Gland - When you are hungry & you don't get the food in time your stomach will grumble for food only because of this gland, this will make you feel embarrased in the public, coz of the sound produced.
  Shuchismita [5 Jan 2003]
• Sucky-sockomitus - Happens when a drunk male asks a female he'd never ask while sober to "suck me." The female instinctivly socks him in the crotch, believing he said "Sock me." Pain may be delayed for a few seconds while the male catches his breath,and the female walks off.
  Monique Hane [5 Jan 2003]
• Nervous Reaction Gland - Located at the back of the throat, the NRG can detect when the victim is in serious situation, eg: being in major trouble at home, school, or work, and causes the victim to laugh or giggle.
  Will [5 Jan 2003]
• Frontal lobe defence system - the bone-strapped region of the forehead designed for swift application to noses of guys who ask for head jobs in nightclubs.
  lyre bird [5 Jan 2003]
• Satan-secretion gland - Located on one side of brain, causes victim to run red lights, steal from charities, lie about certain consentual relationships, knock down children in their way, and watch reality shows.
  Laura W [2 May 2003]
• Selective Crimsonising Gland - This curious body part seems to only activate when talking to the one you like. Effects of gland activation are the face turning an acutely embarrassing shade of crimson, followed by the inevitable need to run away
  Loopy Kat [13 May 2003]
• The 'Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat' Gland - The gland (located in bodies of comedians and assholes only) that tempts you to answer honestly whenever you are asked this question.
  scott quick [15 Aug 2003]
• Perve Rods - Located in the eye. When a member of the opposite sex comes into your peripheral vision these normally flacid rods spring to attention enabling you to zoom in on an arse up to 250 meters away on a crowded street.
  Dicky B [28 Aug 2003]
• Facial Telepathy Gland - Located deep within the facial tissue, this clever little bugger quickly produces a large protruding whitehaed just prior to a major event.
  Craig Forman [18 Oct 2003]
• The Arctic River System - A group of neurons located in the oral mucosa, causing the individual to become frozen at the mouth in the presence of an attractive member of the opposite sex.
  Glenn Hammond [9 Dec 2003]
• 2nd Stomach - If you've ever been to a restaurant, you may have noticed that at the end of a meal, you're completely full. And yet somehow you still have room for at least six deserts. Why oh why can does such a thing happen? Why can we have room for a pound of jelly and a kilo of ice cream, yet no room for that last piece of steak? Obviously, we have a second stomach. Maybe even a third or fourth, like a cow. Think about it.
  Goldfish Poodle Boy [3 Feb 2004]
• The Ultralocator - Now you understand why women can find EVERYTHING, while men seem to lose everything they own.
  Jessy Carpenter [15 Mar 2004]
• Automatic Toothache Pain Block - Kicks in as you finally call the dentist for an apointment because of a bad toothache, then shuts down again when your told there's a three week wait.
  Cyn Icle [13 Jul 2004]
• Swivel neck syndrome - Occurs in males from the age of 13. Whenever they see something blonde and skinny and female, they spin their heads around at an alarming speed. Nevermind that they may already be in the company of another female. And holding her hand. It especially occurs whilst driving. This action is usually followed shortly after by a smack in the back of the head.
  Bambette Kerr [15 Aug 2004]
• Turbo-erecti cerebelum. Kicks in to induce an instant throbbing erection as you walk toward a gorgeous blue eyed blonde......usually at the nudie beach.
  royal flush [30 Sep 2005]
• Sequeler gland - Forces you to watch sequels to films, even though you know they will be nowhere near as good as the original
  Adam Griffiths [10 Apr 2007]

What's Your Research Discovered?

Have you discovered a secret body bit.