Liam rests after a long day of slaving over a cold fridge.
We’ve all been bachelors at some time in our lives. Except if we’re girls. In which case we were bitchelors.
It’s important to have a balanced diet, with the right mix of the five food groups.
Sadly, many young men ignore this advice and subsist only on McDonalds. It’s a well known fact that a Big Mac is not in fact a member of ANY food group.
This month, we come to the aid of the malnourished bachelor and bachelorette.
- Make your own bread – add beer to flour, bake in the oven, and voila! Alcoholic bread.
- Beer is vegetarian, so can be used as a substitute for vegetables in any recipe.
- Beer Naturale – Add beer to your beer for an extra tasty treat.
- Beer soup – Pour beer into a soup bowl, microwave for 30 seconds and eat. Delicious with a glass of cold beer.
- Beer gazpacho soup – Pour cold beer into a soup bowl and eat. No glass of beer or microwave required.
- With Coca Cola prices rising, add 96 teaspoons of sugar to beer and stir for the perfect substitute.
- Fried beer – like fried ice cream, but more mysterious.
- Beer with one – Coffee with beer and one sugar.
- Beer with two – Beer with two more beers.
- Beer flamb̩ РPour beer into glass. Add lighted match. Remove sodden match stick. Drink.
- No need for flat lemonade when you have gastro, drink the dregs from half-finished beers the morning after a big party.
- Feeling seedy? Drink beer with multi-vitamin capsule dissolved in it for a healthy alternative to beer.
- Home brewed beer is great, but often hard to make. Simplify the process. Stick your own labels on whatever beer is in the fridge.
- Beer candy – Soak M&Ms in beer overnight for a chocolatey treat.
- Beer babies – Inject jelly babies with beer. Squeeze for amusing uriniation effect.
Beerthday cake—take ordinary cake mix and substitute beer for all the water, and get a delightful alcoholic treat.
Beer chaser – Feel like you need a bit of exercise? Simply tie your beer to the fastest dog in the neighbourhood and then hit it. Hours of energetic fun getting to your beer!
(Also quite fun opening the seriously shaken cans)
(PS Love the beer babies!)
Go for an international fare. If you’re in the mood for Mexican, have la cerveza. Italian, have la birra. For French cuisine, enjoy une biere.
Lunch or Snacks Any Time:
Malt sandwiches – how many do you want?
Drink – as much beer as you like – from the bottle/can/glass etc. Very nourishing, especially home brew, which has all the vitamin B you need. Cheers!!
My granddad gave me this recipe for carp.
Grind one carp into burger, bones and all.
Arrange ground carp on oak board making a ridge around the edge.
Pour several bottles of beer on the carp and marinate for 24 hours.
Bake 350 deg. oven for 45 min.
Scrape the damnd fish off of the board and eat the beer-soaked board.
I like to have a Guinness for breakfast. Liquid bread!
Beer-Jelly. Make jelly as normal substituting beer for water,great first thing in the morning. slides down easily.
Beer Sandwich – 1 bottle of beer placed between 2 hands…Enjoy & Bon Appetite!!!
Beer Baby – Fill balloons with beer. Place filled balloons in a nursing bra. Put nursing bra on your favorite infaltable girlfriend. Poke hole in balloon. Enjoy!
For Fruit Lovers:-
1 punnet strawberries. As much beer as fancied. Place strawberries in large sealable bottle – top with beer of choice – leave 1 week – throw out strawberries – enjoy beer with hint of strawberry.
Go with beer salad…. those vinegarette and ranch dressings just don’t work for me. Place vegetables in bowl (or not) and shake with beer.
Beer slushy – would have been big at K-Mart. just take bottle of beer and place in freezer for about an hour. if too long, will be frozen solid, so supervision is suggested.
Soak blu-tac in beer.
Voila! Beer chewy!
Beer Aroma – for that original pub smell, take an oil burner, slowly pour your favourite beer and light candle, instant pub smell in you home.
Beer Battered bacon – Deliciouse yet to long to make so do not batter or cook! Instead only eat the bacon raw after 12 beers!
Beer Hairspray (patent pending) – Dissolve 4 cups of sugar with a six-pack of beer, leave to ferment for a couple of weeks then put in garden spray bottle.
Works better than gel!
Spilled Beer – Pour out several cans of beer onto a very expensive rug. Let soak overnight, then add more beer. Do this for about a week, then chew on the carpet untill you are intoxicated. A new definition of carpet munching.
Beer Fountain Pens — Fill them with beer, and write or drink!!!
Beer Bong (literally) – Use beer instead of bong water then smoke. Once finished drink.
Bon Appetite.
In olden days the fermentaion of cider (scrumpy) was started with the insertation of a dead rat. By accident I have found this is very efficacious in home-brewing of beer. Gives the product both body and intensity of flavour. Highly recommended!
Add beer to tobbaco and get drunk while smoking
Beer Cocktail – Mix 2 parts Bud to 1 part Coors and 1 part Labatts. Drink.
Beer Salad Dressing – Spice any salads by adding beer instead of normal salad dressing.
Beer Muffins – Equivalent to Mull Muffins only these get you drunk….not stoned
Beer Cocaine – Shake up a 40oz of your favorite brew, screw cap fast and snort like a madman, quick buzz gauranteed.
Pizza hut Take £10 go to pizza hut …and voila! Instant (almost) pizza ready to eat!
Pour beer into an ice tray. Freeze. this makes a choice desert.
When you’re laying in bed watching T.V. , save the ’stuff’ you pick out of your belly-button! Separate the hard stuff from the fuzz. The ‘hard stuff’ makes a great ‘crunchy’ topping for baked goods!
If your girlfriend is ugly, encourage her to bathe in a bath full of beer. Next time you kiss her, her skin will make you drunk, and things wont be as bad.
This is a very hard recipe so only an experienced bachelor chef should attempt it. Open a box of a microwaveable pizza, place in microwave, cook for 3-5 minutes then wait (this is the hardest part so you may want to have a beer or two), then remove from microwave and eat very nice with a cold beer (if by the time the pizza is cooked you are too drunk to take it out of the microwave just have a beer and forget the pizza)