Avoid Taxes, or at least filing them

More ways to put off doing your taxes

• I just don't work
  Reuben [8 Sep 2005]
• Call the tax office and tell them you've come down with a terminal illness.
  CozB [10 Sep 2005]
• Become king of the world.
  Silent Dan [10 Sep 2005]
• Move to Canada!!! **but live in a small cabin in the woods where nobody but those pesky yaks know where youlive....** (better yet, make your house underground)
  Fitted Slipper [12 Sep 2005]
• The taxation office has a really sick sense of humour. When the taxation inspectors started calling me demanding back-taxes money payable immediately (or they would rah rah rah etc,) I just switched them over to my answering service, which plays a 10 minute recording of *crazy frog*. This was really big fun for a while, till the day my visa card stopped working. When I rang the bank and asked to speak to the guy handling my account, crazy frog answered.
  mantelbrott set [13 Sep 2005]
• Move To Saudi Arabia they don't have taxes!!!
  Some Bozo [15 Sep 2005]
• Hold the government to ransom for the amount of tax that you owe.
  Anonymous Dude [15 Sep 2005]
• Keep believing you can and will do your taxes by chanting over and over, "I will do my taxes today, I will do my taxes today..." Hopefully, you will have wasted a day chanting, realize you haven't done your taxes today (or yesterday), shrug, and continue chanting throught the next day (or today).
  Agentguy The Sheep [15 Sep 2005]
• You can simply...
  - Become a kid... kids don't do taxes
  - Become a dead person... dead people don't do taxes
  - Become a rich person... rich people don't do taxes, or at least until Bush gets out of office
  Agentguy The Sheep [15 Sep 2005]
• Tell the tax man that the accountant who does your tax is serving in Iraq and you have to wait until the War On Terror is over and he gets back.
  Wee MAD [16 Sep 2005]
• Get eaten by a dinosaur, or, just cry your way to not paying them. (If you got a very simpathetic person it might work....)
  Fitted Slipper [18 Sep 2005]
• Break your mailbox and later, use that as an excuse saying that you didn't receive any mail for a long long time, including the taxation act. Too bad.
  Platon Brasil [19 Sep 2005]
• When they send one of those really nasty auditors to inspect my records, I welcome the man and get him started with a pile of files and receipts, then I like to mess up the rest of the house and slip out the back window. My neighbour makes the coffee while I phone the police to report a break-in. They used to fall for this all the time down at the tax office, but with the no doubt annoying two day bureaucratic delay on posting bail, coupled the auditor's aversion to being some-ones bitch down at the old lockup, has greatly reduced the incidence of audits. Now they only send the new guys.
  mantelbrott set [20 Sep 2005]
• Don't buy anything that's not in some insignificant way work related (eg 2-minute noodles: they give me energy and sustanance to do my job). Sure, you'll have to spend ages filing the tax return, but you'll never have to pay actual tax.
  Goldfish Poodle Boy [21 Sep 2005]
• Run around in the middle of the streets with your pants on your head and gloves on where your socks should be.
  Goldfish Poodle Boy [21 Sep 2005]
• Become a percussionist - I'm pretty sure the mentally handicapped don't have to pay taxes.
  Big Dawg [24 Sep 2005]
• I was filling out my tax return when my 5 year old asked what I was doing. I told her that we all pay part of what we earn to the government. Not pausing from her attempt to rid the world of an oversize choc muffin she said "When I grow up, I want to be a govment."
  funneybonesup [25 Sep 2005]
• I sent this letter to the Australian Tax Office this year. Don't think they have a hit squad do you?
  
  To the ATO Canberra.
  Dear sirs,
  Enclosed is my tax return form together with my payment for the year ending 2005. Please take note of the attached article from the Sydney Morning Herald. In the article, you will note that the government paid $171.50 each for hammers, and the prime ministers dept. paid $600.00 each for four toilet seats.
  
  Please find enclosed in this package
  - four toilet seats (value $2,400.00) and
  - six hammers (value $1,029.00).
  These articles are in payment for my total tax due of $3,029.00.
  
  Out of a sense of patriotic duty, I am also enclosing a 5mm Phillips head screw, for which ASIC duly recorded and approved a purchase value of $22.00 last year, as my contribution to the Australian taxation office Christmas party.
  
  It has been a pleasure to pay my taxes this year, and I look forward to paying them again next year in accordance with officially established government values.
  
  Sincerely,
  
  Another satisfied taxpayer.
  funnybonesup [25 Sep 2005]
• Try to figure out the "REAL" da Vinci code. Even if you don't get rich enough to avoid tax, you'll waste a load of time
  fat boy will [26 Sep 2005]
• The two sneakiest little words in the english language? Plus tax!
  funnybonesup [29 Sep 2005]
• I got of the new simplified "tax forms for dummies" from the Australian tax office this year, it reads:
  1. What did you earn this year?.
  2. Send it to us!
  mantelbrott set [2 Oct 2005]
• Attatch a helicopter to your forehead. Stick your head into a monkey. Become an extra on Star Wars (people will run away when you tell them) OR use your time machine to rob yourself. More realistically you could burn down your house. Or use your tax forms as plates, go don to the tax office and calmly eat duck with some kind of sticky sauce on it off your forms. Leave them there. They wont be able to tell if you didyour tax or not. Alternatively you could eat your tax forms, jump into the sea and tell everyone you're King Halter Neck of the Grand Fops
  Frankly Warped [7 Oct 2005]
• In England, if you live in a council house you don't have to pay taxes (unfortunately you get robbed every other day).
  david arnold [8 Oct 2005]
• Request all your paychecks in paper cash and coinage. They can't tax you when its untraceable.
  Fitted Slipper [10 Oct 2005]
• Look up your favorite politician in the Clerk of Courts' property record, and find out their social security number. Then file their taxes for them.
  Thomas [18 Oct 2005]
• Destroy all record of you ever existing, and live inside a cave, sustaining youself by eating other people's tax papers. This way, you will never have to file taxes, and neither will the people who you stole thier papers from.
  David Mr Smiles : ) [31 Oct 2005]
• Play WoW till you can no longer see more than 1 foot infront of you and you start to believe you are an Orc Rogue... then lose the plot, gank some poor random noob down town screaming "For the Horde!" and then spend a year in a padded cell having really cool conversations with all your new "special" friends.
  Crypticnexus [19 Nov 2005]
• Send them a portion of the crops raise in your poor feudal village. Or, return your taxes filled with old candy bars.
  Jerm [24 Nov 2005]
• When they used to send some tax office auditors over to check my books, I used to just run out completly naked except for my dog's collar and tags, and dry hump one of their legs. (Well, most have been dry, hi Nigel.. call me!) Nobody bothers me AT ALL any more from the tax office... AND my tax is five years overdue now. WARNING. Don't try this at home. I'm a six ft two inch lice infested Dirty Sanchez look-alike reclusive millionaire with more hair on my back than godzilla. If you're a willowy blonde Paris Hilton look-alike, sporting killer legs, a clit ring and brazilian, this tactic may not quite produce the intended result.
  funnybonesup [26 Nov 2005]
• Smear your tax returns with dog food and "foolishly" leave them near your dog. That way and you can claim "The dog ate my tax forms."
  taxman can [4 Dec 2005]
• Inform the goverment that you are officially resigning as a tax payer and have decided to just hand about doing odd jobs for cash.
  Monoir Kitz [13 Dec 2005]
• Tell the tax department you only exist as a blog.
  anthony [18 Dec 2005]
• Burn all files of your existence, pack your bags, and head for the Rockies to live out the remainder of your life as a hermit.
  Deanna [30 Dec 2005]
• Live off of a US government disability check - When you're living off the government, they can't legally charge you taxes
  Chris Brown [2 Jan 2006]
• Donating money to the arts is a legitimate tax deduction in Australia. I already set myself up as "The Artful Tax-Dodger" and donate my entire year's earnings to myself so I'm not legally obliged to pay any more tax.
  ChatRat [8 Apr 2006]
• Move to Italy.
  Cheesus [11 Apr 2006]
• First: Inherit a house
  Second: Rent it to yourself.
  Scott Quick [1 May 2006]
• Sit in the corner of a room slowly rocking back and forth... back and forth....back and forth
  Adam Griffiths [17 Oct 2006]

What's your favorite way to avoid filing taxes?

As tax time approaches each year, what do you do to put off the inevitable? Let us know, and we'll add the suggestions that make us laugh to GORSKYS.COMedy