Sports They Should Include In The Athens Olympics

US President George W Bush will be competing in Political Gymnastics at Athens 2004.

Reader's Suggested Sports

• Escape the Americans - American troops invade the stadium (on the assumption that there is one, based on Greece's 'wonderful' timing) and chase terrorists along the running track. Any terrorists that survive are freed from the death sentence for their crimes.
  Goldfish Poodle Boy [12 Jun 2004]
• The "Pole" Vault - Sort of like a catapult, only you use Polish people in competition for distance, and just like in the "curling" event, you're allowed two "sweepers" for extra distance!
  Scott (formerly scott) [12 Jun 2004]
• LSD Cross Country Skiing - Have opponents take a random color of acid and the first to cross the finish line wins the gold! Extra points for spotting the Abominable Snowman.
  Scott (formerly scott) [12 Jun 2004]
• Booger Darts - Pick it 'n' Flick it.
  Scott (formerly scott) [12 Jun 2004]
• Death Row Skeet - Instead of the electric chair,use criminals in place of the clay pigeons. If they're alive when they hit the ground, then they get a reprieve from the Governor.
  Scott (formerly scott) [12 Jun 2004]
• Survivor - Whoever can stay in a man-made hole the longest wins. Saddam would win the gold, duh.
  Andrew Garland [13 Jun 2004]
• Modern Javelin - Time to modernise. Each country gets 3 ICBM's, and 3 chances to neutralise another country, Last man standing gets gold (and all the oil they need).
  Capt Nemo [14 Jun 2004]
• Hurdles - But with landmines, in an unmarked field. Think of it!
  Capt Nemo [14 Jun 2004]
• OPEC Relay Race - Whoever gets the most oil, and makes it out alive, wins!
  THE Xi [14 Jun 2004]
• Blame Throwing and Responsibility Dodging - What with the "weapons of mass destruction" and "children overboard" events of the past few years (among many other impressive feats of athleticism), it should be a pretty close call for the gold.
  Jessica T [16 Jun 2004]
• Due to health and safety regulations, only imaginary events can take place.
  Joy Bates [16 Jun 2004]
• The Yawning - Competitors battle to stay awake during tedious opening ceremony. Points are awarded to the most imaginative yawning and stretching. Bonus points given for grunts and groans. Points deleted for getting cramp.
  Joy [16 Jun 2004]
• Cement Diving - Competitors will dive of the high board only to realise the pool is empty.
  falcon funny [17 Jun 2004]
• Nicky Webster Shooting Spree - Bring Nicky Webster back for the opening ceremony, and the audience is given rifles.
  Silent Dan [19 Jun 2004]
• National anthem marathon - Everyone's droning national anthems are played on a loop - the last man/ woman/ transgender standing wins! No athletic stadium needed!
  roarty girl - sydney [21 Jun 2004]
• Begging - Let contestants loose in the crowd, one with most money gets to take all the others'. Penalised if caught by security guards, Disqualified if imprisioned.
  Capt Nemo [23 Jun 2004]
• Death Hurdles - Spikes on the hurdles. Lets see them try and jump that.
  Drew Peacock [14 Jul 2004]
• Pole Bolt - Construction workers need a lot of strength to get those roof beams up, so why don't we get the world's strongest and make an event out of it?
  CozB [24 Jul 2004]
• Olympic Drug Taking - This competition is for those who failed the drugs test! How many performance-enhancing drugs can you inject/swallow before you either die or mutate into some other species.
  Kathy Artus [26 Jul 2004]
• Suicide bombing - How many innocent civilians on a bus can you take out in one bomb blast?
  Kathy Artus [26 Jul 2004]
• Pop Idol Judge Target-shooting - Nah, they dont shoot... they're the targets!
  Dubm Blonde [2 Aug 2004]
• Opening Ceremony - Instead of the boring 'dude runs up to the pot and lights the fire' routine. Use NAPALM, now that would be worth remembering!
  Capt Nemo [13 Aug 2004]
• Political Tap Dancing - Bush is the favorite for the Gold, Silver, and Bronze. Bush Sr. said of his son competing, "It just wouldn't be prudent at this juncture."
  Tony Ward Lee [14 Aug 2004]
• Shark Dodge - Import man eating sharks from the abundant supply in Western Australian waters. Get competitors to take it in turns to tap the shark, more points awarded the closer to the nose the tap is. Last one left un-mutilated wins gold
  Marion H [17 Aug 2004]
• Sychronized skipping - ... and China misses! AGAIN!
  none (Parents didn't name me, and other people didnt want to. I am adopted. [19 Aug 2004]
• Political sprint - Bush, Saddam and Bin Laden face off in this sprint to the finish. There is a gun at the end of the field and whoever finishs first gets to see the end of their enemies.
  Somebody [26 Aug 2004]
• Musical Sprint - There's a first violinist, a second violinist a virtuoso viola player and a bass player at 4 corners of the field. a $100 bill is dropped in the middle.
  The second violinist wins because the first violinist doesn't go anywhere for $100, there's no such thing as a virtuoso viola player, and the bassist hasn't figured out what's goin on
  Wolfgang Beethoven [2 Sep 2004]
• Sychronized Smoking- Now don't think that the former soviet bloc has a lock on this one; there are plenty of ex political prisoners and failed leftist playwrights scattered about the globe who can be tapped for a world class team with the right blend of coaching and chemotherapy. What's Dennis Leary up to these days?
  Cancerian [11 Oct 2004]
• The heavy-metal-band-shake-the-floor race - a number of heavy metal bands line up at one end of the track. The aim of the game is to create the loudest noise and vibrate the floor so much, that they end up at the other end of the arena (note: all band members and equipment must be over the finish line to finish)
  Mel Pearson [31 Oct 2004]
• Political Matrix: - How long can a politician dodge the bullets of public outrage? The one to speak the most gobbledegook about the Iraq war wins. Well done Messrs Blair and Bush!
  Yen Buddhist [30 Dec 2004]
• Nicky Webster Marathon - Turn up the mic real loud, lots of huge amps everywhere, and have her damn annoying voice fill up the world. Last person sane wins gold for thier country.
  Josh Pike [16 Jan 2005]
• Rock throwing - Whoever gets their person down the fastest wins gold.
  weina speina [25 Jan 2005]
• Pie Eating - And not just any pie, every aussie kids favourite... mud pie!!!!
  kerosene austin [8 Apr 2005]
• Who can tell the most WMD lies? - Britain will definitely win that one (even if it is the only thing Blair is good at).
  Anonymous Dude [6 Jun 2005]
• Inventing crap events for the Beijing olympics
  david arnold [20 Jun 2005]
• Replace the Hammer Toss with Child Toss, put a boat in the middle of the stadium and the refugees have to see who can get their 13 year old closest to Michael Jackson, who is the target. Winning country gets the gold, and Michael gets the kid for some 'Child Toss' of his own.
  Sean Andrew [6 Jul 2005]
• Drug Smuggling - In honour of Schapelle Corby, see who can smuggle drugs into Indonesia without getting the death sentence.
  Joel Kirby [10 Jul 2005]
• Negotiating public transport - More for the London Olympics but whoever can actually understand the tube maps and actually get a seat on the bus or the tube definitely deserves a gold medal.
  Anonymous Dude [15 Jul 2005]
• Doffing - A cross between cricket and water polo. (Combining two bad sports into one good one!)
  Liamk [17 Jul 2005]
• Air Guitar - Because you KNOW it's good!
  Kb [11 Aug 2005]
• Nude Twister, just for the hell of it.
  jacquie jones [4 Oct 2005]
• Naked bouncy castle - Who can jump highest.
  martin scarbrough [1 Jan 2006]
• Athletics, the traditional Ancient Greek way - All men, completely naked
  Lexie White [9 Jan 2006]
• Snot-rocket Darts - Instead of those dangerous darts, you just aim, cover one nostril & aim for the triple twenty!
  Scott Quick [1 May 2006]

What do you want to see?

What sports would you like to see in the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens. Let us know, and we'll add the funniest ones to GORSYKS.COMedy.