In an effort to make his mark on papal history, Pope Benedict XVI recently sat down with a nice hot cup of altar wine and had a go at adding some new and exciting deadly sins to the seven old deadly favourites.
It’s still naughty to stuff your face with fourteen cheeseburgers or spend too long sitting on the couch watching “The Biggest Loser”, but now you can also be damned eternally for harming the environment, fiddling with genes or being Rupert Murdoch.
So, does this mean God has finally been pulled kicking and screaming into the 21st century?
Is the Pope a Catholic?
The original deadly sins also came with appropriate punishment. For example, if you lust after your neighbours donkey, of course you risk being smothered in fire and brimstone. But modern sins require modern punishments; if you lust after your neighbour’s new superfast broadband connection, you could be punished with dialup speeds for all eternity.
Here at GORSKYS.COMedy we think God's right-hand man has missed some important candidates for modern deadly sins and their punishment…
• Those who spam – To be force fed generic viagra and cialis, and then sent on a mission to Africa to find a Nigerian willing to transfer a million dollars to a random foreign stranger.
• Those who produce reality tv – To be forced to only interact with Big Brother contestants until bored to death.
• Those who answer their phone during a film in a cinema – To receive constant and annoying ringtone in the ears.
• Telemarketers – To be interrupted in the middle of every meal forever.
• Those people who cancelled the series “Arrested Development” halfway through the third season – Be locked in a room watching reruns of “Joey” for all eternity.
• Those who create crap computer operating systems – To be forced to “permit or deny” every tiny life decision.
• Those who take great old movies and remake them badly - To be locked in a room watching their own life flash past their eyes as a remake starring Tom Cruise.
• Those who fill your email inbox with cliché-ridden forwarded emails of “inspirational” “real” stories that make you want to vomit – Immediate removal of fingers.
• Those who create facebook applications that require 20 friends to be invited before you find out the “answers” – To have all their facebook friends tortured and killed.
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Other sins our readers want added to the Popes list of Deadly Sins...
- Old people who walk round mens locker room at the gym naked for hours - should have to walk home naked cause if i have to see it so does everyone else.
martin scarbrough [4 Apr 2008]
- Traffic Wardens that wait 10 mins for the meter to run out - Should be forced to wash the car whilst wasting taxpayers time .
martin scarbrough [4 Apr 2008]
- People who fart in elevators - Should be forced to use the bathroom after I have had a curry.
martin scarbrough [4 Apr 2008]
- People who post naked photos of girls on internet - Should be forced to consume alcohol(a well known poison)every night for the next year and im buying.
martin scarbrough [5 Apr 2008]
- People who want to masturbate to a G.G. Allin song- Will be fored to go the way He DID as they are violently masturbated by space to a cher song
Punky Joe [7 Apr 2008]
- Blokes who have never been on a horse and never won a bull ride and walk around wearing big ass belt buckles, Americian cowboy hats, blue jeans and blue singlets - Should be tied to a bull or horse and left there untill the rope breaks. Better yet just give then to the hillbillys in America.
Wee Mad [7 Apr 2008]
- Emo's who complain there is no happyness in the world and every one hates them - Should be forced to watch Care Bear cartoons till there eye's bleed.
Wee Mad [7 Apr 2008]
- Motivational speakers - should be forced to face a donkey's ass and have fart blown in their faces for all eternity.
Hassan Mohammed [16 Apr 2008]
- Annoying gits on public transport who think that bystanders are impressed by the fact that they have a mobile phone and, just to make sure we notice them, engage in a conversation with an equally desperate friend at a volume that would make a Disaster Area concert seem like a tea dance. SHUT UP YOU SAD LITTLE PONCES! – to have a metal plate surgically riveted to the inside of their lips so that they can’t speak and have Motorola Brick phone surgically attached to their hand.
Matt Blackwell [17 Apr 2008]
- Annoying teenage girls who yap at the top of their lungs about who they gave head to this week - should be made to prove their skills on every male passenger (and any females who want it).
Silent Dan [30 Apr 2008]
- skinny girls who constantly say they are fat in front of other people, just so that the people will tell them how skinny they are (shallow cows!) - should be force fed doughnuts and cookies until they come out of their ears, then have their lips superglued together to stop them complaining.
Tina Smith [2 May 2008]
So many things are sinful.
Tell us what sins you would like to see added to the Popes list...
